"If Loved Could Have Saved You, You Would Have Lived Forever"
A write up of Tucson Online MDT Friendly & Fearless Death Cafe
“IF LOVE COULD HAVE SAVED YOU, YOU WOULD HAVE LIVED FOREVER,” & “NO ONE SITS AROUND TALKING ABOUT DEATH, THIS JUST DOESN’T HAPPEN”
“No one sits around talking about death, this just doesn’t happen!” Surprise, we do! A soon to be Death Café host passionately shared this statement last Café. I’m imagining that hosts around the globe and attendees alike share this motivation. That is why Cafes were born, to have an open, safe place to speak about big things, what matters to us, in this wild adventure of living and dying. Blessings and best to the birth of a new Café!
“If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.” I first saw this quote by David Ellsworth on a beloved companion animals gravestone. Last Café we talked a bit about suicide, how difficult and devastating it can be to learn that someone you know has considered or completed it. We think we should have known, we could have known, wonder why didn’t, and think we could have done something if we did. We desperately want the person to see what we see, that they are amazing, loved, cared about, perfect as they are, with a future of possibilities. In contrast, our loved one’s room of their world has likely gone pitch black dark with little to be seen, except one - what most consider terrible and tragic - choice.
Every situation and person is completely unique. If we are those left behind or caught unaware, we may want to blame ourselves and, at the same time, often find fault with the person, becoming angry, outraged, or disappointed, believing that our love or caring was unseen or disregarded. We all live in relation to one another. Our lives and our deaths, no matter how close, far, familiar, or foreign we are, touch others. Death in whatever form, awakens the big questions; why am I here, what have I done, what am I doing, what does my life and death mean. Reflecting on this, am I inspired to make new choices?
We talked about how valuable and wonderful it is to share meaningful stories. However we do that it’s a celebration of life. If we catch each other’s eyes across the campfire, or the grocery aisle, enjoy tense and tender moments breaking into tears and laughter, we go a long way to understanding the funny, flawed, and imperfect lives we lead. The myths, fables, the tall tales, the true and the tragic, and the shared telling of them, open us to the mystery and magic of the unknown to be to be held, to be let go, to be okay. Mostly, that’s all we need, to be genuinely seen by one another, to see our place here in the wildness, to be okay.
Speaking of stories, these books were shared. The Measure, a NY Times bestselling book by Nikki Erlick, has a premise perfectly suited to Death Café. The book’s characters are each given a box containing a length of string symbolizing the measure of their lives from beginning to the end. A Brief History of Time, the highly regarded classic by Stephen Hawking and its newly published iteration, On the Origin of Time: Stephen Hawking’s Final Theory, by Thomas Hertog break us out of limitations and into the cosmos for some breathing room. Thanks everyone for another stellar Café and see you soon.