Death By Chocolate Death Cafe
A write up of Death Cafe Summertown, Oxford
Our 2nd death by chocolate death café was a wonderful evening of deep listening and life affirming conversation whilst eating the most delicious chocolate brownie ever or the “healthier ” but equally divine Chocolate and Beetroot cake.
It was a recipe for success. 16 people stepped inside, gathered together to share their stories, ideas and experiences. They sat as one circle in the colourful and vibrant Story teller’s café .
Our facilitator Claire began by welcoming everyone to this place of story and suggested we give thanks to all those we have loved who may have brought us here. She acknowledged these lives as precious gifts and offered us the opportunity to say their name out loud before taking a few silent moments to honour them.
Claire also explained that coincidentally we were sharing this evening with the start of Hannukah and Thanksgiving which she understood won’t align together again for another 70 000 years .
It is no wonder this death cafe felt very special from the start. The atmosphere was filled with an incredible warmth, energy and connectedness. It was a powerful beginning.
Charlie ( from OXBEL) followed by reminding us of the need to be respectful , confidential and accepting of each other’s opinions, beliefs and experiences as well as mindful of our own feelings and safety.
Claire also spoke a little about the history and principles of the death café movement started by Jon Underwood and Sue Barsky Reid in 2011, founded on the work of Bernard Crettaz. She explained it is a growing movement and that when we held our first death by chocolate death café in May there had been about 100 death cafes in total. Now the number of death cafes has grown worldwide to 400.
The people who came to this death café were a diverse group. They came from differing places and cultures, were of varied ages, genders and backgrounds. 12 of the 16 had been at our first death café. Some worked professionally or volunteered with the dead or dying, others were there for personal reasons. Regardless of their “whatness” outside this death café they joined together with the intention and personal desire to share and talk openly about death and dying. Their unique experiences made for interesting and lively conversations.
Everyone’s contributions were valued. Throughout the course of the evening we listened to each other and shared our own stories, personal experiences, deepest fears and best hopes. We explored together our ideas for;
What is a good death?
What is a good life?
How would we like to die?
How would we like our funeral to be?
At the end of the evening we asked everone for 3 words to best describe this death café. The response we received was overwhelmingly positive and included:
Open, enlightening, warm;
Accepting, life enhancing, real;
Informative, sharing, co hesive;
Open, non-judgemental, friendly;
Interesting, thought provoking, reflective;
Inspiring, encouraging, closer;
Thought provoking, impressive, excellent;
Sharing, learning, enjoying;
Warm, thought provoking, interesting;
Thoughtful, emotional, reflective;
Safe, interesting, hopeful;
Open, honest, connecting;
Insightful, uplifting, refreshing;
Warm, comforting, moving;
Relaxed, friendly, alive
Before finishing Claire thanked everyone for coming and for opening up their hearts. She also thanked those who had helped with the evening.
Finally,she shared a poem which she invited all those present to take out with them. It was an uplifting and powerful ending and we all look forward to coming back together for the next death by chocolate death café and dare I say it ….another slice of chocolate cake.
When I die if you need to weep
Cry for your brother or sister
Walking the street beside you
And when you need me put your arms around anyone
And give them what you need to give me.
I want to leave you something
Something better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I've known or loved
And if you cannot give me away
At least let me live in your eyes and not on your mind.
You can love me most by letting hands touch hands
By letting bodies touch bodies
And by letting go of children that need to be free.
Love doesn't die, people do
So when all that's left of me is love
Give me away.
Anonymous (from Life Prayers from Around the World)