Funerals and Taboos
A write up of Death Cafe - Harrogate & Knaresborough
By CateQ
We were delighted to see 20 people turn out for the death café. We talked about a range of subjects relating to two broad topics: ways in which one can commemorate a life, and taboos around talking about death.
There were discussions around different types of funeral service, including ‘do it yourself’ versions and green burials, and we were grateful to those participants from the funeral directors present who helped to dispel some common myths. One participant had a creative idea about how the dead can give advice to the living, and another suggested watching the comedy film ‘What we did on our holiday’ for alternative ideas. We were also introduced to the “Death Positive Movement” and the work of Caitlin Doughty and the Order of the Good Death http://www.orderofthegooddeath.com/category/videos.
There was some agreement that it is important to talk about your wishes with family members and loved ones, and where necessary to document and share them as Advance Directives. https://compassionindying.org.uk/making-decisions-and-planning-your-care/planning-ahead/advance-decision-living-will/
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We were fortunate to have some participants from a local hospice where the focus is all about life rather than focusing on dying, and helping people have a good death.
Whereas death was commonplace in the last Century, we rarely experience it these days, and that was thought to be one of the reasons why we are afraid to talk about it, along with the fear of the process of dying. It is also difficult to think of a world that does not contain us as individuals. However, there was some agreement that it was important to be honest in talking about death, particularly with children, who are better able to understand than people often think.
Some people had experience of loved ones being reconciled with their impending death and giving strength to the living shortly before they died. On pertinent comment was that “the dead die only when we do. As long as we remember them”. Perhaps a good point to end on.
There was interest in holding another event in about 3 months’ time.