"People might not want to talk about it, but the DO think about death. How could they not?"
A write up of Montpelier Death Cafe
Musings on the June 2016 Meeting of the Montpelier Death Cafe
"People might not want to talk about it, but the DO think about death. How could they not?"
It is traditional at our death cafe for the facilitator to ask the people there to say why they came, if they can. One person spoke of how when they shared they would be going to a Death Cafe the other person's reaction was "Why would you do that?!?" I think most of us who come to Death Cafe have had that reactions, but this person's response was truly wonderful. "Well," they said, "before you go on a journey of some sort, a vacation or a trip, don't you plan ahead as best you can? Read guidebooks and investigate where you're going so you know what to expect when you get there?" For them, coming to death cafe was a little like doing research for what may be life's biggest journey- death. And although there are no guidebooks, there is our willingness to come together to share what we fear, hope, and think about dying that can help us put together a picture of what we might experience on that journey.
"All I can do is learn from the experiences I've had tending others," said one person, "I don't want to be one of the millions of people who is afraid of death, but I am thinking and developing a faith because I don't think I'll ever truly get over my fear until I am faced with it myself." Another person added, "Death isn't new but it can still take my breath away." "Thinking about death," said another, "has made me more aware of how capricious life is. So I don't hold on to life so much anymore because everything can change so quickly." This led another person to say "There is this concept of a good death, but a good death doesn't always look the same way. A good death can happen even in circumstances we don't choose. So I've been thinking 'just let me go' and that's a real evolution in my thinking about my own death."
Many people spoke about their experiences with the other side. of feeling certain that there was something and someone "beyond the veil," and more to life than our continued physical existence. "There is so much more to death and dying than we know," someone said, "and that's very comforting to me." And although such spiritual experiences are sometimes dismissed one person pointed out, "We already know we don't understand it all." Another added that maybe all the explanations "as just chemical reactions or wishful thinking really aren't 'just' at all, maybe it really is our mind opening to things it doesn't normally do or experience."
As always, speaking together about the vast topic of death did seem to make people feel more positive about the inevitable. As one person said, "I think that is death starts to get near fear can become more present. And the question for me is: fear of what?"
Michelle Acciavatti, Co-Facilitator
If you have comments or would like to submit your own write-up of a meeting please email:
montpelierdeathcafe@gmail.com