In awe
About 12 people showed up. So the three cakes plus fruit and bite-sized bundt cakes were more than enough.
Huge differences in who we were to those we lost: parent, sibling, child, friend, neigbor or even stranger. Yes, the death of someone you don't know very well can have a great effect on you.
It was my first time, but it won't be my last. I didn't expect much too be honest, which is why I worried more about the cake - would people eat it, would people like it? - than the actual event.
I was suprised how much the whole thing moved me. Other people's stories as well as my own. I've written about "my" deaths at length, but talking - usally not my cup of tea - for whatever reasons, this time it worked. It helped.
The hardest part was stepping outside. Leaving the space, where sharing chaotic and depressing life stories was allowed.
PS: "it's not about achieving closure. Instead you have to figure out what you are going to do when your emotional memories are later triggered."
taken from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/201105/grief-isnt-something-get-over