July Meeting Afterthoughts
A write up of Montpelier Death Cafe
Montpelier Death Cafe
July 16th Meeting Notes
"Why did you decide to come tonight?" That is the simple question we often use for the introductory round of our monthly conversations but it is rarely easy to answer even as a facilitator. After all, making time in one's busy day to sit down and talk about death and dying for an hour and half isn't the way most people choose to spend their time, no matter how much we wish they would. And the truth is, even though it is quite difficult to express specifically why we gather everyone's answer usually includes something along the lines of "I felt called to be here."
Sometimes, conversations at our death cafe are very practical. We talk a lot about how fear of death prevents us from living fully, or how experiencing death compels us to be kinder and more compassionate. We talk about not wanting to die despite knowing that we will. Other times we talk about more….spiritual…. things.
This month our conversation focused on the afterlife. The group openly shared their thoughts on what happens after we die; some even discussing how mediums have helped them connect with their loved ones who have died. "Knowing that my wife is going to die, and will go on after she has died, is what allows to be truly and completely love her," said one person. Many people come to our death cafe to discuss their fear of death, in discussing the afterlife it appeared that some members of our group seemed to find a way to comfort themselves about their fear of dying. "Under the best of circumstances the journey to death is a time of incredible spiritual growth," one person shared. "I've had an insight, listening to you," said another, "I feel now that when I die I will fall back into the arms of all those I have loved who have gone one before me."
As one group member pointed out "the ongoing paradigm shift away from our ingrained cultural fear of death is so freeing!" , but it isn't easy to get there. Many members of our group where only able to develop "a sort of faith, a system of belief- that even it is only what we want to believe- begins a true personal evolution" after very close contact with death. But for others, maybe that journey away from the rational and into the unknown began with our conversation. And maybe, just maybe, the fear of dying became less limiting, less painful, and easier to embrace.
Or not.
Thanks to all who were there. See you next month!
Michelle- Co-Facilitator
P.S.
This David Whyte poem came to mind during the meeting, so I thought I would share:
Self Portrait
It doesn't interest me if there is one God
or many gods.
I want to know if you belong or feel
abandoned.
If you know despair or can see it in others.
I want to know if you are prepared to live in the world
with its harsh need
to change you. If you can look back
with firm eyes
saying this is where I stand. I want to know
if you know how to melt into that fierce heat of living
falling toward the center of your longing. I want to know
if you are willing
to live, day by day, with the consequence of love
and the bitter
unwanted passion of your sure defeat.
I have heard, in that fierce embrace, even the gods speak of God.