July Meeting
A write up of Montpelier Death Cafe
We often open our meetings by asking the attendees what brings them to our Death Café. Hearing the broad range of answers is inspiring; some people admit they just don’t know, others share personal stories. But the common thread in all answers is the desire to not hide from death. As a group we feel safe bringing our thoughts about death “into the light”.
As this month’s meeting turned towards a desire not to be afraid of death and how to prepare to die well, we actually talked about how death isn’t the only thing we need to bring into the light. Most of us put death away along with many other fears, fears that directly impact how we live our lives. By bringing death into the light, we aren’t just confronting our fears of dying itself, we are giving ourselves the chance to look at the roadblocks our fears have imposed on our lives. Not surprisingly the fear most closely related to fear of death was fear of not having control, of not being able to plan for all the contingencies.
Our group had some wonderful thoughts about this, including the idea of reminding ourselves how little in life we truly get to choose. For most of us, control is an illusion carefully constructed by living our lives in the familiar. If we open ourselves to all the possibilities, if we can “make ourselves vast enough to be present for whatever happens” we can begin to live a life at peace with not being in control. Once we are comfortable giving up control we can begin to cultivate our intuition- by examining our reactions to our fears we can begin to practice with a reactions to what we may face as we die. And while we may or may not be able to choose how we die, with practice we may be able to cultivate an attitude of acceptance as we die.
As the meeting drew to a close, someone spoke up- “for me, these monthly meetings are my practice for meeting my goal of not dying in fear.” Many in the group agreed that sharing their fears did indeed make them feel lighter. Talking about death motivates all of us to not take life, and all it offers, for granted.