Reflections from Nunhead
A write up of Nunhead Death Cafe
By annkenrick
§Should we change our Western culture so that it marks the move into the last phase of life – not necessarily just when we are terminally ill, more generally as we get older? Reference made to the Hindu approach. [Problem with identifying when that is...]
§How do you encourage a family member to have the discussion about end of life (mother being ‘closed down’ by son not wishing to talk). Some suggested that humour can be a good way to enter into the subject.
§The difficulty for a medic in dealing with a personal end-of-life situation that they’ve come across and dealt with many times in the course of their professional work. Objective/arm's length versus subjective experience.
§Lack of education about the ‘business of dying/death’. The practicalities can be overwhelming for those left behind, especially if there is disagreement about what the deceased would have wanted.
§Day of the dead – it would be good to have an occasion when we all celebrate the lives of those now dead. Our current approach to the dead is gloomy and bleak.
§Dealing with the practicalities of decluttering. One attendee had taken photos of all her sons’ art work and created albums for each of them for Christmas and then given them as Christmas presents.
§Legacy – concept of living on through one’s work. One person mentioned the quote: ‘the farmer is not dead until the field is harvested and then the wheat is made into bread and thus he lives on’
§Funerals – importance of allowing deep sadness as well as celebration and getting the balance right.
§One 90 year old attendee said that he had never been afraid of death due to his exposure as a child and young man doing military service. Seeing dead bodies on a regular basis left him with a familiarity and he had no desire to see his parents after they died.
§Another asked what needs to be done in order to approach the end of life with acceptance. Most dreaded the idea of being in bed for 2 years possibly incontinent and with dementia. They treat animals better said one.
§How does a single person, who expects to die alone, best deal with all the practicalities and get help to know their affairs will get sorted out?