Thought provoking and inspiring
A write up of Dulwich Death Cafe
By annkenrick
Death Café report
Bell House
20th November 2026
It was a really fantastic turnout and a lovely atmosphere and we split into three tables to accommodate everyone and ensure all could have their say.
One group moderated by Melissa was a seemingly undiverse collection of white women and one man aged between 40 - 85, but each had different thoughts, styles and approaches. They discussed themes of legacy and control over death. They discussed funeral wishes and how these match up with what actually takes place. Talking about grief and how it feels to lose someone. About assisted dying and suicide.
Towards the end Melissa felt the atmosphere was getting a bit heavy, and she didn’t want people walking away with powerful feelings and emotions that might be hard to process alone, so I asked the group to share something they loved about someone who had died. This changed the energy and brought the group into a lighter and happier mood before we closed.
My table was mostly white women as well as one originally from Sri Lanka and a man in his eighties who had come with his wife. Several had been to Buddhist events on Death and Dying and the man felt his comfortable views on Death had been significantly influenced by his Buddhist practice. Two women were on the cusp of retiring – one approaching this with trepidation and the other relaxed about having time with her partner before either of them had to slow down. A discussion around learning to live and be alone if you were in a couple was interesting recognising that this could be unfamiliar and strange so practising was important. One spoke of the importance of routine for a relative after his wife died – going to the same cafes he had visited daily with his wife,. Another spoke to feeling that she was already grieving for her mother who had developed Alzheimers but who was happy in her carehome.
The concerns of Trevor’s otherwise all-women group included:
· how best to process grief, after many years since initial bereavement
· ‘decluttering’ so as not to leave a practical burden for those left behind
· ‘anticipatory’ worry about how one might die (not about the fact of death itself); and the fear of dementia.
Unanimous agreement that a sudden death is most appealing for the individual herself, but it can be a lot worse for those left behind, who won’t have had time to get used to the idea of someone dying.
To avoid ending up in a nursing home, one participant would rather ‘drink champagne and walk into the sea’.
Even if you don’t want a funeral, it’s important that those left behind have an opportunity to celebrate your life. Direct cremation, followed by a memorial, becoming more popular.
General agreement that seizing the day is the best way to live, because we all know we will die.