Liverpool Death Café online (27 January 2021)

A write up of Liverpool Online Death Cafe GMT

By Kris D'Aout

A new year and a new Liverpool Death Café!

Over the last few years, Jamie has expertly led Death Café, initially in person and then via Zoom. I have been to quite a few and always had really good evenings, so when Jamie asked me to take over because of other commitments I was very happy to. Thanks Jamie for all your work (and for setting the bar high!)

We met on 27 January via Zoom – a fairly small group of seven, which could have been ten hadn’t some emails ended up in my spam folder. My apologies, and it won’t happen again. Three people will probably join next time. We did not split up in groups and the conversation worked well with the seven of us.

One crucial item was missing – cake (but virtual cake isn’t any good), but the other crucial items were definitely present: a bunch of open-minded people with their own experiences, stories, or just a will to listen.

It was once again very encouraging that we were from all ages, genders and backgrounds, and that despite these differences (or because of these differences!) the conversations we had came easy. Time flies in Death Café.

We did a short anonymous survey afterwards and the results are shown below. We’ll carry on using the same recipe and have our next Death Café in March.

Kris

Survey results (4 respondents):

Overall, how would you rate this event on a scale of 1 (very bad) to 5 (excellent)

Comment:

• Attending Death Cafe meetings it’s the highest quality of relationship with people on zoom I have. In spite that the people are strangers really.
• The evening was most enjoyable, I use that word wisely. as the evening was full of heartfelt comments whether from the death of close friends or reactions from those who had suffered during the Covid-19 virus. The discussion was introduced well and as a member, I felt that the facilitator added to its fluidity with wisdom and timely humour which was appreciated.
• I had the Zoom details and reminder in advance which was helpful for my messy inbox. The session itself felt warm and spacious, it was nice that there was not that many people there. Kris handled someone coming late in a way that allowed the discussion to keep flowing without interruption. I really enjoyed it! Thank you!

Would you say that attending this event affected your feelings about death and/or life? If yes, please attempt to say how:

• It always effects differently depending where I am in relationship to death and life at that moment. This time it helped me acknowledge that I am more afraid of death than usually because the Covid situation is very bad where I am. And I could do it because smb at the meeting had sheared about their fear. I feel better now because I know the fear is here and I can help myself.
• One of the attendees mentioned that sometimes hearing about the death of others, may impact on the way we may live our lives very lives.
• No not so much a change about how I feel about death and life, more a sense of affirmation and that I am not alone in my feelings about it all.

How comfortable did you feel during Death Café on a scale of 1 (not comfortable) to 5 (very comfortable?

Is there anything you can think of that would have made you feel more comfortable?

• Not really
• No, the evening was well orchestrated.
• No it was great as it was. It felt clear to me by the depth of sharing that others felt comfortable too.

How well did the structure of the discussion at the Death Café work on a scale of (not at all) to 5 (very well)?

Suggestions for improvement:

• It’s good, no improvement needed
• No, those that needed to speak had a turn.
• No suggestions for improvement - it felt like the introduction was interesting and personal and allowed me time to 'land' in the space and being able to stop mid way through then meant I could get a brew and a new person could join us.

Overall, how would you rate the facilitation of the event on a scale of 1 (very poor) to 5 (very good)?

Any suggestions for improvement:

• Not really
• None
• Kris' style of facilitation felt easy going, well paced and engaged. It is clear he is interested in the topic and interested in hearing others' perspective. He asked questions at times which was interesting, and while I don't think I needed prompts, it was interesting to think about these things. I personally quite like bits of silence that enable me to gather my thoughts, but can appreciate not everyone feels that way.

Please choose 3 words which best describe your experience of Death Café.

• Safe, compassionate, friendly space
• Non invasive. Gentle. Safe
• Connecting, reflective, interesting

If someone told you they were thinking of attending a Death Café, what would you say to them?

• Just do it, don’t think. Your heart will feel nourished.
• What a brilliant idea....(then ask if the would like me to come with them)
• We will all meet death in some way through our lives and eventually we will die. Death Cafe is a great experience to discuss this and consider what that then means for our finite lives.

Do you have any other comments or things you think we should hear?

• Can’t think of anything
• The whole conception of a Death Café is beneficial to the majority of people, some of whom may never have thought of it..
• Well done Kris - a really enjoyable experience, thank you so much for creating the space and taking this on.

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