November meeting of the CWDC
11 of us came together for our November meeting of the CWDC, with participants dialling in from London, Essex and Edinburgh, California, Florida, New England and New Jersey.
Our discussion opened with an appreciation of silence, and the value of coming together to create and hold space for one another’s reflections. Later in our conversation, we reflected further on our own, differing, relationships with silence. Silence was likened to marmite – some people love it, whilst others loathe it. We also thought about the acclimatising that silence sometimes requires – gradual exposure and positive experiences supporting a greater tolerance (a comparison was made with chilli peppers). We also thought about how our formative experiences of silence influenced our associations and relationships with silence as adults, and the qualities that a silence can be imbued with. We talked about our different experiences of meeting in person and online, and how different the silences between ourselves can feel whilst we meet in virtual rooms rather than around a shared table.
We thought about the noisy world we live in, and how precious, and even delicious, having and holding space can be, supporting introspection and a deeper reflection. Several of our number had experience of supporting individuals at their death beds, and we reflected on the important role of silence in the dying process.
Someone shared their experience of accompanying someone dear in the aftermath of a significant loss, and we went on to consider the Jewish custom of coming together and sitting shiva in the observation of a week of mourning following a funeral. This led us to reflect on the comfort which may be offered by communing at a time of loss, and how coming together in a ‘bubble’ might support a family or community to adjust to the loss and integrate this experience.
The theme of sibling relationships and rivalries was touched upon, with someone describing the transformative power of grief and loss, and the role humility plays in personal growth and development.
We spoke of ‘leaning in’, ‘pulling together’ whilst acknowledging that whilst a crisis may prompt a fractured family to reconcile or ‘circle the wagons’, for others the opposite will be true. A death can lead to a revisiting of past hurts and a reopening of old wounds, and can highlight suffering, distance and alienation.
Returning again to the theme of silence, we thought too about how silence can be weaponised, when contact is withheld and connection wanes without explanation and the resultant void, not knowing whether someone is still alive, or their present whereabouts.
We thought some more about our present interactions with one another, as a group coming together with a common interest. We thought about the sighs that perhaps go unheard as we observe the Zoom etiquette of ‘muting’ ourselves until we take our turn to speak. We thought about our non-verbal expressions and gestures, and how we meet one another in this special virtual shared space, to acknowledge our experiences and honour what is being shared.
Before we closed someone reminded us of a Zulu greeting where one person says “Sawubona [I see you]”, and the respondent replies “I am here.”
References that arose during our meeting:
Sitting shiva:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shiva_(Judaism)
https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/shiva-what-you-need-to-know/
Timeline of Jewish Mourning:
https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/timeline-of-jewish-mourning/
The Zulu Greeting ‘Sawubona’
https://rochemamabolo.com/2018/03/12/sawubona-more-than-just-a-zulu-greeting/
Nancy Kline – author ofTime to Think: Listening to Ignite the Human Mind (2002) and The Promise That Changes Everything: I Won’t Interrupt You (2020)
“The fact that a person has stopped speaking does not mean that they have stopped thinking” ~ Nancy Kline.
A brief introduction to Nancy Kline’s Thinking Environments:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wutIaSf37lI
We can make our minds
so like still water
that beings gather about us
that they may see,
it may be, their own images,
and live for a moment with a clearer,
perhaps even with a fiercer life
because of our quiet,
our silence. ~ W. B. Yeats
“In an age of speed, I began to think, nothing could be more invigorating than going slow. In an age of distraction, nothing can feel more luxurious than paying attention. And in an age of constant movement, nothing is more urgent than sitting still. ~ Pico Iyer
Pico Iyer’s TED Talk – The Art of Stillness:
https://www.ted.com/talks/pico_iyer_the_art_of_stillness
Marmite (/ˈmɑːrmaɪt/ MAR-myte)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marmite