Summary for 090/09/2020
A write up of Death Cafe Hillsborough EST (via Zoom)
By Neidra
Hello everyone, Thank you to those who joined the conversations during the September 9th Death Café – Hillsborough (DC-H) Zoom call! Using Zoom has changed our dynamic yet it also allows new people from faraway places to participate; thank you to the three new folx! We are grateful for UMC allowing us to use their Zoom account (versus their “little house” where we normally meet in person). If you have not yet sent a few dollars to say thanks for Wednesday’s get together, here is their website: uniongroveumc.org and mailing address: United Methodist Church, Rev. Rich Greenway, 6407 Union Grove Church Road, Hillsborough, NC 27278. Thank you for thanking them. • Topics we discussed and shared (separated by **): **One of our recent regulars, who is actively facing their death (to maintain confidentiality per Death Café (.com) bylaws I am omitting this person’s name, only those in attendance this past Wednesday will know who), asked us to share how close we personally have come to feeling fear associated with our own death, the fear of dying … dealing with that fear hitting and gripping you every day. Since they needed to leave the meeting early, the rest of us agreed 100% to record our replies so this person would receive the answers they deserved to their question. The recording was sent to them right after we signed off. **Another good question was posed, “What’s currently giving you a quality to your life?” Our answers included: gardening, being outside every day, reaching out to check on others, reading books, educating themselves about racial injustice, hiking, being in the woods, fresh air, plants on patios, flowers, joining a grief support group, creating Zentangle art (https://zentangle.com/), watching our posture, taking breaks, and limiting how many video calls we’re on (!) **I, Neidra, pulled out a card from “Mortalls - The Death Positive Conversation Game” and its question was, “Who would you want to be at your bedside when you die?” We each put thought into our answers and shared. You can buy your own card deck at http://mortalls.com/ **
I found the missing quote (in my office recycling) that I had wanted to share from the MD/PhD student whose experiences during their rotation in Palliative Care, in contrast to their medical training, affected them deeply. “The effort to extend life leaves no space for accepting death.” {mic drop} • Helpful resources/websites mentioned during this particular DC-H: **Sallie Tisdale’s book, “Advice for Future Corpses (and Those Who Love Them): A Practical Perspective on Death and Dying” For more about the book, here is an interview with her: https://tricycle.org/magazine/sallie-tisdale-advice-for-future-corpses/
**The Five Wishes (an Advance Directives document legally acceptable in most U.S. states) in which we can elaborate where we want to die, describe what our room/space will look and feel like, list which songs or hymns to have played at our funeral, and more. https://fivewishes.org/ • Educational opportunity: Tuesday 9/22 from 4:00-5:30 via an online GoToMeeting, “VSED: Voluntary Stopping of Eating and Drinking” presented by Elliot and Susan Schaffer through the Orange County Department of Aging. Find attached to this email a screenshot of the info you need to get connected. If you’d like to learn more about VSED: https://compassionandchoices.org/end-of-life-planning/learn/vsed/ • Each Death Café is wonderfully different, even with the same Host! Participants lead the way by talking about what is on their minds. Death Café founders/facilitators/hosts offer these meetings because we care. We recognize the need for a safe space to talk about death and dying that have traditionally been taboo subjects, and we are passionate about death positive education.
I’ve always encouraged folx to check out many Death Cafés! Such as Sara Williams’ next Death Café – Mebane on Wednesday September 23rd from 6-8pmET. It’s being held at Catrina’s Tequila & Taco Bar in a huge room so physical distancing can occur. There will also be a virtual Zoom held simultaneously. For more information, please search deathcafe.com for her listing. **Mark your calendars for the next DC-Hillsborough October 14th, 6pm-8pm, via Zoom meeting. IT’S OUR SECOND ANNIVERSARY!! Last year I brought a vegan chocolate cake from the local co-op to share at our meeting but, alas, that is not happening this year (no ‘thanks’ at all to covid). Well, now you have a reason (or excuse!) to bring your own cake/dessert to our virtual Death Café 10/14 and we will still have a little celebration! I will email a reminder which will include *the Zoom link* 2-3 days prior. If you are on Facebook, please “like” the Death Café-Hillsborough page (search @deathcafehillsborough). DEATH CAFÉ – Hillsborough VIA ZOOM! OCTOBER 14, 2020 6:00 – 8:00PM 2nd ANNIVERSARY!!! Stay safe and be well, fellow mortals! Neidra