Write up for Death Cafe Liverpool

A write up of Death Cafe Liverpool

By Jamie

 

Death Cafe

Evaluation Summary

Evaluations:  8 submitted

Attendees:  1 facilitator, 16 attendees

 

We were fortunate to be able to use Tusk Baltic again for our second Death Cafe in Liverpool. This was again advertised through Facebook and through the growing contact list of people who have previously shown an interest or attended/booked a ticket through Eventbrite. There were sixteen participants, and again we had a number who initially had booked, that did not come along.

 

Jamie Fearn was the facilitator, and brings her experience of bereavement counselling, volunteering for Samaritans and non-religious pastoral support work to the role. This was our second in Liverpool partnering Tusk Baltic and Jamie, and while people continue to show interest, we hope to continue offering this every few months. Different to our previous Death Cafe, we had Kris D'Aout who came and has shown an interest in supporting the Death Cafe on an ongoing basis; bringing his experience of how death is viewed in Belgium. We also had Lee Grimsditch, wanting to write an article about the Death Cafe movement and the importance of talking about death. Since this Death Cafe, Lee has had some interest from the Liverpool Echo about the story.

 

We were in a side room this time, and at the start, I shared some of my own interest in the Death Cafe movement and what has inspired me to be involved. I also went through some of the key points about the importance of listening and creating the space for discussion. We also had small cards on the tables to outline what the purpose of a Death Cafe is. I asked if people did not want to have their photos included in the write up, for them to let Phil know (who was taking the photos). We also talked about Lee being there to write an article about his experience of being at a Death Cafe and if anyone wanted to support him with this, they could speak to him at the end.

 

I think because we were in a side room, it was not as obvious about the availability of food and drink (especially the cake). We decided to split into two groups, and following a few people coming a little late, we probably could have split into three.

 

In my group, people started by sharing something of what had brought them to the Death Cafe. Some of the discussion included talking about caring for the dead body of our loved ones at home, planning our own funerals and coffin clubs, assisted suicide and dignity in death, and also death festivals. It was great to discuss things so openly and for there to be space for different opinion. It was also interesting to me that although the aim of Death Cafe is to increase people’s awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their lives, we focused much more on our experiences of death.

 

It has been interesting to read the feedback (full details below) and lovely to know how safe people felt and that there was sensitivity – this feels so important in having a space where we can share what can be a difficult subject together. As with the previous Death Cafe, there were comments about the structure and perhaps this is something that needs discussion at the start of each Death Cafe – I’m conscious that it’s been different feedback and suggestions at both and that perhaps this is dependent on the groups at the time. I liked the idea of an opportunity to mingle all together part way through, and this would perhaps have given people the opportunity to get another drink, and find the cake! In terms of other suggestions about themes or speakers, I can understand this, and also the guidelines on how to run a Death Cafe are really clear that the Death Cafe model doesn't include having specific topics, set questions and (in particular) guest speakers. The view being that, when it comes to death, people have enough to discuss already.

 

Overall the most common words used to describe this Death Cafe were safe, interesting or fascinating, thoughtful and open which all feel like great words for people to use to describe their experience.

 

I really welcome further discussion on any or all of this, so if you have something you’d like to add or talk about, then please get in touch: jamie@jamiefearn.co.uk

 

The full feedback from the evaluation forms is as follows:

 

1.      Overall, how would you rate this event? 5 = excellent, 1 = poor:

·         7 rated it as 5

·         1 rated it as 4

 

Comments:

·         Think it’s a great idea as I believe that there is a taboo in this country about death

·         Excellent because the group was sensitive

·         Open minds, free speaking, safe environment, ease at openness

·         This was my first experience of a death cafe. From the minute I arrived I felt extremely comfortable with the people around the table. The session was well led and extremely interactive.

·         Fun and interesting, nice people, nice venue, well run.

 

2.      Would you say that attending this event affected your feelings about death and / or life?

·         3 said yes

·         5 said no

 

If Yes, please attempt to say how:

·         It helped me normalise talking about death

·         Reassurance

 

3.      How comfortable did you feel during the Death Cafe? 5 = very comfortable, 1 = very uncomfortable.

·         8 rated it as 5

 

Is there anything you can think of that would have made you feel more comfortable?

·         Music was a bit distracting

 

4.      How well did the structure of the discussion at the Death Cafe work? 5 = very well 1 = not very well at all.

·         5 rated it as 5

·         2 rated it as 4

·         1 rated it as 3

 

Suggestions for improvement:

·         I’d have liked to be told that we should wrap up at a certain time as I was anxious to finish thoughtfully

·         We introduced ourselves then conversation was give and listen on many experiences and views of death

·         For my own perspective, the discussion was too much related to specific personal experience and not to the philosophical, sociological and neurological elements about death.

·         Small group discussion worked well even though there was no real structure, but with another group we might need a little more structure.

 

5.      Overall, how would rate you the facilitation of the event? 5 = excellent, 1 = poor

·         4 rated it as 5

·         4 rated it as 4

 

Any suggestions for improvement:

·         Just the background noise of the other event taking place, but something out of your control

·         Good, thoughtful. Maybe need to speak up a bit

·         Cushions on seats

·         I know that the strength of the discussion is in its flexibility. Perhaps each group could spend a couple of minutes writing primer questions about what they may discuss. Also an opportunity to have a break and for groups to mix could be good.

 

6.      How would you rate the cake and drink? 5 = excellent, 1 = poor

·         2 rated it as 5

·         2 rated it as 4

·         1 rated it as 3

·         1 rated it as 1

 

Any suggestions for improvement:

·         Not sure how to answer!! Nothing actually provided, but was on offer to buy. Plus it was vegan.

·         N/A

·         Yumm! Cake?! (invisible)

·         Was there cake? I got my drink from the bar. Both are perfectly fine of course.

 

7.      Please choose 3 words which best describe your experience of Death Cafe:

·         Safe, friendly, different

·         Thoughtful, normalising, emotional

·         Open, safe/secure, easy going

·         Liberating, fascinating, stimulating

·         Interesting, funny, thoughtful

·         Welcoming, Safe, Interesting

·         Fun, Surprising, Satisfying

·         Open, thrusty, nice

 

8.      If someone told you they were thinking of attending a Death Cafe what would you say to them?

·         To go and experience

·         Come next time

·         It’s good. Come with an open mind but certainly come with your experiences and views and be open to share. It’s a comfortable environment

·         Just come, maybe especially if unsure!

·         Definitely give it a go.

·         Do it. Well worth it

·         Do it.

·         Go!

 

9.      Do you have any other comments or things you think we should hear?

·         Just an idea, if people come back again and again, maybe it would be worth having a "theme" per evening, or a guest speaker followed by the normal chats. Or an expert (a therapist, a geriatrician, a mortuary worker,...)

·         It was really good mix of people and the dynamics of the group worked well.

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