On this same day I felt upset about certain things. I was angry with myself for feeling tense in a consultation yesterday, and so I rang the patient to apologise. He said it was fine and everything was good. He liked my realness. I was also sad that someone wrote a horrible review about me last week on an unregulated doctor review site on the internet. It was possibly a patient I had refused to give narcotics to. Yes you can now review doctors anonymously, just like you can reviews bars, restaurants and hotels.

Just as I was starting to wallow, I had my first consult of the day. It was a man diagnosed with cancer a few years ago. As is my calling these days to "keep it real", I pushed him to tell me how he was coping with his diagnosis, especially as it had now spread to the lungs. He admitted he was slightly in denial about the whole thing and didn't want to play the victim or upset his wife and 3 kids. I told him about suddenly losing my son last year, and then we chatted about the possibility of him just taking more photos of him with his kids, taking videos too, and spending some one on one time with each of them, just in case the metastases grew faster than expected and suddenly he was facing the end of life. It was perhaps an awkward conversation but he thanked me and walked out.

There are many people who float in a world where nothing really bad seems to happen, and then there are the rest of us who have been affected by death or serious illness. We now live by the cliches of smelling the roses, not sweating the small stuff, and living life to the fullest, enjoying the moments we have with friends and loved ones,and embracing life because we are unafraid of the reality of death.. I expected this man to be closer to that than he was, and just as I sat there wondering if I had been too harsh on him I was asked to call a patient that I had last seen in May. I made the call, not having any idea what it was about and was met with this; "I just wanted to thank you, because you changed my life. Thank you for being so honest. I am now on a different path and I want you to come celebrate this with me and 20 of my closest friends."

The person I thank is my Will. Despite the ups and downs I have in every single day dealing with how much I miss him, his death has taught me so much. His gift truly plays out every day in my office, and for that I am grateful. If I can impact just one person a day then it's worth it. If we can all live with more love, then it's worth it......

Docmum