Survival is the only choice after a child dies

When Sophie said her private good byes to her brother behind the ICU curtain she took this amazing photo. She never told us and then suddenly it appeared on her facebook page with these words:

"Will I can't describe how much I'm going to miss you. Through everything that has happened to our family, we have always had each other's backs, and you have helped me with so much. I never thought that I would be planning your funeral this young. Your life was cut so short, it's not fair. I am so glad that you were happy and so loved. I love you so much and I wish I could tell you one more time how much you mean to me. I would give anything to hug you again or hear your voice. I'm staying strong for everyone because I know you wouldn't want me to be upset. Even though we never talked about it, I know you loved me too and I feel like I've had the best 14 years with you. I'm not an only child now, I have a brother who loves and cares for me but has just been taken to heaven early. This past week has been the hardest week of my life, but with the help of N and all your amazing friends I think I will be ok. I just want you to know big bro, that I'm going to miss you sooooo much. :( Thank you for everything xxx"

I was speechless.

You have two choices after the death of a child:
a) get up every day and go on
b) stay in the foetal position

Well actually there are a few more....scream loudly, kill yourself, go completely mad in the middle of a shopping centre so everybody feels your pain, run away to the Himalayas.....

The fact that I have had to face people every day at work with their multiple and ostensibly trivial complaints has been hard, I will not lie. BUT....what choice do I have? Nobody else is paying my bills.

Yesterday a very nice patient of mine for the last 5 years called our office to say she is going elsewhere, so please stop sending her recalls. I rang her. She's a mother of a boy at my son's school. She said she felt bad complaining about stuff in front of me. I explained very clearly that I have to keep working and that she shouldn't feel bad. I said that sometimes I may look unemotional....it's because my heart has been broken....but I guarantee that I am doing the absolute best job I can possibly do medically. I have thrown myself into it. If my patients leave me, what on earth do I do then?

She said she was sorry...but she couldn't face me.....

Truth is....I can't face me either.....

I can't face the fact that my son is dead.....

Tx

Comments

Indescribably moving. The picture that your courageous daughter took and posted has immense power. I think that you demonstrate enormous strength to post about such an enormous event in your life. I would not presume to try to advise you or placate you about something I have been fortunate to not experience, but I hope that you can find a moment each day to remember that the people who love you will understand if you need to lean on them. I very much hope that life can quickly become something for you to enjoy once more.

Posted by Leo Simmons