been dead, been around it awhile.

death- not a blog post

but the most awkward embarassing personal thing to happen to me. 

sometimes people dying just want to be alone to die. not when family's around.

when people left her room for a minute andrea decided to give it up. 

mom kept requesting to be left alone as we led her down hallways to do laundry.

in the end laundry became a privilege.

we look for animals after

as sign. for flowers as memorial. but there is an utter compost heap for hope after. 

some people do not die in peace as they are wont to print into the obituary.

hospice can be an assisted suicide palace with doctors morphine-pushing patients as

wind echoes hauntingly around the dead's dried up bank accounts.

the bodysystem kicks off like clockwork. we're a guaranted payoff when you think about it.

i go to work terrified for no reason, wake up terrified for no reason.

we think about it so much it becomes fake again. 

i sit in a room wondering what to do next. terrified. maybe death is the reason.

the inherent curiosity should be plumbed.

i always want to ask 'how'd they die' and polite company says that's rude

but i'm not offensive. death is offensive.

 4.24.20