Waiting to die for a long time

Posted by helpplease



As the years have rolled on by, Life has got tougher. The fight that was once there has faded, It abruptly disappeared a few years ago, surfaced recently and is fading once more. 

I have tried to kill myself before and want to die but want to die through the use of nembutal or any other "peaceful" means. 

This has been with me from such a young age and I am just tired of life in general. Tired of memories and small triggers to past thoughts, Thats what gets me down and thinking how much better it would be if I could sleep and never wake up, Never open my eyes again and feel anything.

If I could erase my entire memory, what memories would I want to keep if I had a choice? 

Thats a easy one for me, Erase everything. Friends, family , events etc but leave the lessons I learnt in place. The lessons on peoples behaviors and the way money has taken over every aspect of a persons life and defines how people act towards you. 

Dont make my mistake to stop making money intentionally to see whose there for you, You may end up without anything and without anyone like I did. 

Anyway death, Yeah Ive been looking for death for years. Before anyone thinks this person needs to see someone, I have been in therapy for years. It has helped cope and pull me through the years but deep down inside something is unsettled, something is wiggling in the pit of my stomach and it makes me feel sick everyday.



Comments


Its clear u have a death wish. That my friend, is a very selfish way of looking at life!
Its all, “me, me, me”. Instead it should b: “how can I help others” reach their potential /goal.

With ur lifetime of experience an yes, memories (which u would rather forget). You could help some many people. So, yes its selfish to live just for urself (no wonder ur disappointed with everything).

Now stop being a wuss, an start helping others grown to their full maturity.
Its never too late.
Now's the time!

Go for it..


Posted by Parcel


I would love to be a person to you that just wants to be there for you and show you people can be nice and don't want anything from you. Makes me so said to read that.


Posted by Ime


I'm sorry that the other two comments responded so negatively.

Thank you for sharing your story and feelings it was brave of you. Just like the bravery you show everyday by waking up and making it through another day.


Posted by Soya


Ms

I understand how you feel. I've been down that road myself. I won't tell you it will get better, cos it probably won't.
On the bright side, atleast we are not afraid of death, only of the pain of dying.
We are essentially waiting to die.and so we wait.
Just wanted you to know you are not alone.


Posted by Melissa


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