Mother's Day

This past day was Mother's Day ... a day I found myself with tears running down my face, a day I knew that whilst my Mum was no longer with me, I wanted to just sit with her, drink copious amount of tea and chat away for hours, laughing and sharing.
My Mum was like a companion to me and we spent years travelling many roads together building memories that still travel on within me. Her loss has been so profound, that even after 3 years I am still looking for that part of me which feels missing everyday!
This bond with Mum started when I was very young at a time in my birth family when my Mum needed extra TLC and even though I was young – just 11, I instinctually understood this and tried to find a way to make her special ... it seemed a natural thing to do and so along this journey we built a rapport which was unique.
We went on holidays, we went out shopping together and went out regularly for some scones, jam and cream which we both enjoyed; we played cards every week, but mostly we just clicked and time with her was so important to me ... food for the soul!
In my own family, my children were born into an era where there was a greater concentration on their lives and their direction and whilst I did everything and more to share their growing journey with them and enjoyed this, they became adults whose journeys took them in a different direction away from family.  I had hoped that with maturity and families of their own they would find a way back, however families have not factored into their worlds.  
So with the loss of my dear Mum, and with little companionable connections within my own family, my grief and the loss of my Mum has been quite tough to manage.
Days like Mother’s Day, her birthday, Christmas and so many other days I miss her presence and it can be overwhelming! 
I am very thankful for the time we had together and the treasured memories I have and whilst I knew she was ready to journey on when her time came, I was not prepared for my ongoing longing for her which does not get less as the years have gone by.
I married a quiet good man, who is content with his own company and so now the silences in my world are bigger since Mum died … One doesn’t fully realise that the many years of sitting together chatting, laughing and sharing with their Mum will eventually create a gigantic hole in one’s world when their much loved Mum dies.
Death comes to us all and whilst I accepted this with Mum especially knowing that she had a long and full life, and I had anticipated I would travel the grief journey, I did not expect that this grief would go on and on, and that the missing of her would feel like I was no longer a whole person but missing a unique part!
So to my Dear Mum wherever you are … Happy Mother’s day… always your loving daughter XX