I have since been doing a lot of inner exploration as I’m sure many do when faced with loss of loved ones. In the last year, I have had two psychedelic experiences in which I deeply felt my dad’s presence. I also had glimpses into possible realities that are outside of this earthly existence. These experiences were profoundly important and meaningful. I have been trying to rationalize all of this and convince myself that there is an objective, knowable reality after death. I think so much of my desire to have an absolute answer is tied to losing my dad, but also facing my own and my family’s mortality and fragility. And I want to know definitively what will happen to each of us in the next life (if there is one). Only within the last few weeks (and maybe even as I type these words) have I come to understand and grasp the fact that it’s not possible to have absolute answers to these questions during this lifetime (or perhaps any lifetime). And I think working on being OK with that is a necessity. Otherwise, I will drive myself insane.

So I sit here continuing to wrestle with these questions, beginning to comprehend that they are and always will be shrouded in mystery. And that’s OK. Because it is often in the mysterious that beauty and meaning emerge. If we are nothing else, we are creators of meaning. Can’t that be enough?