I have written down some points in order to make it easier to begin to talk about the subject of suicide.  These points can be used to start an informal discussion, and they are based on my personal experiences of knowing 6 suicides - my father, my step father, a teenage school friend, my father’s cousin, and two friends.  Although some women also take this path, all those in my experience were male, aged between 15 and 60 years old.  I have separated the points into 2 sections, and the Family section is in an approximate chronological order of what the family might experience once the suicide is discovered.

Normally the path to taking the suicide decision is slow and requires some preparations, regarding the location and the mechanism.  This process, once realized by the family, can be the cause of an incalculable amount of pain, as the idea that “there was time to prevent it” is an endless mental torture.  However, the suicide made their decision and this decision can be respected with time.  Also, there is, for me, a strong message in the way a suicide has been carried out, which is where a family can appreciate the level of suffering experienced by the suicide when they were alive.  

The Suicide

attempts

preparations

age

external pressures

personal relations

the influence of medication or drugs

false declarations (such as “I’m fine”, “I would never think of killing myself” etc.)

letters of explanation

the mechanism

The Family

the trauma of identifying or discovering the body

the police

feelings of guilt

rage and blaming others

mourning and sadness

depression

denial and refusal to accept

taboo

lying and hiding the truth

not celebrating the life of the person

family disfunction

psychological problems of parents, children, partner or other family members