Weird people at death cafes
Posted by DeathCafeZurich on Aug. 5, 2016, 4:58 a.m. 3 comments
Death Café Zürich seems to attract people with mental and/or social deficits. Their behavior is excessive and inappropiate and they draw attention their way and away from the purpose of death cafe. It has happened more than once and I'm worried it might damage the death cafe by discouraging genuine interested people from coming again.
I wonder if this is a typically urban problem and if other death cafes share this experience. And I'm looking for ways to handle/cope with it.
Comments
Big thank you from Zurich!
I agree with Cathryn, this is very helpful indeed! Thank you very much for sharing, Nancy!
Posted by DeathCafeZurich
Nancy Reece Jones
I totally relate to this issue. And no, it's not just an urban problem. We're in NW Montana with a mixture of small town, rural, and resort town populations. And I have had a number of what I affectionately call "wing nuts," most of whom I consider socially challenged. My response is to be an active facilitator: I always establish the guidelines at the start (don't interrupt others, keep your initial sharing brief, respect other's opinions, etc.). And if someone goes on and on, or interrupts others, or wanders off onto irrelevant topics, I gently but firmly redirect them. Last month one regular participant left the group to watch a fox and her kits out the window and wanted to tell us what they were doing...so I told him that he was welcome to watch them but not to interrupt us. He hung out another minute or so and quietly left the building.
Same thing if I have "drama queen" folks who may have gut-wrenching stories of a loved one's death (one last month really needed to be at a grief support group not Death Cafe) but tend to dominate the conversation. I do my best (which unfortunately entails interrupting them, sometimes several times) by saying that we want to include others in the discussion, and bringing up other conversation threads mentioned earlier (and praying others will speak up!)
I've attended other meetings where the facilitators didn't step forward to redirect things that went astray and felt very frustrated. Participants at my Death Cafe have thanked me for how I "take control" in a considerate but direct way because they're able to enjoy the experience of being at a Death Cafe.
The majority of these folks don't return. When they do, I just know I really have to be on my toes.
Hope that helps! Would love to hear how others deal with this issue.
Nancy Reece Jones
Posted by nancyreecejones
