Icebreakers

Andrea: we used some icebreaker questions at our inaugural event that were well received. A few examples: * What does it mean to you to leave a legacy? * What is your favorite joke or funny story about death? * Who is your role model for making life-changes well? You'll probably think of many more! The goal of course is to keep the questions "value neutral" but still compelling.

Posted by TRVevia

Ice breakers

Hi An article on Scottish death cafes in The Guardian included these suggested questions on their death café 'menu' "Where would you like to be when you die?" "What things make for a good death?" "How would you like to be remembered" "What song would you like at your funeral?"

Posted by Katrina

No icebreaker needed

I have hosted 17 events and the only opening question you need is "Please tell the people at your table what brought you here?"
also, please re-review the Death Cafe guidelines on the subject of topics and icebreakers:

6.1 Please note: The Death Cafe model doesn't include having specific topics, set questions and (in particular) guest speakers. We ask you not to have these at your Death Cafes. Our view is that, when it comes to death, people have enough to discuss already.

To elaborate, giving extra input or setting too much of an agenda risks being presumptuous, restrictive and/or disempowering. As such we favour offering a group directed session offering participants time to reflect on and share what they think is important. In our experience this yields the best results.

PLEASE SEE THE GUIDE

Hi,

As Lizzy stated, conversation starters are not part of the Death Cafe model. We permit questions like these to be used only when open discussion has been exhausted (which is very rare). The reason for this is that Death Cafes are a group directed session. If you want to offer a question-prompted discussion of death that is fine but please don't call it Death Cafe as it isn't one.

Please do check our guide for more info about this: http://deathcafe.com/how/. If you still have questions about this please do contact me (underwoodjon@gmail.com)

Thanks,

Jon

Conversation starters

Here are some conversation stimulator that I put together.
What does it mean to you to leave a legacy?

What is your favorite joke or funny story about death?

Where would you like to be when you die?

What things make for a good death?

How would you like to be remembered?

What song would you like at your funeral?

Describe what a “peaceful” death would be for you.

Do you plan cremation or burial or donation or some other option? If cremation, what are your plans for the ashes?

Do you believe in something after death?

Recognizing dying and death will happen to you, what does it mean to live your life every day?
If you had a choice, how would you choose to die?
What would be a perfect phrase on your tombstone?

What do you want to be remembered for? What will you be remembered for?

How do you prepare for death and dying?

How would you be of support to a dying friend?

What rites, ceremonies, music, food, or program do you want at your memorial service?

What do you say to a friend who is facing death? What do you do?

What is a “dignified” death? What is an “undignified” death?

What would be your final request(s)? Of whom?

Have you ever seen a person take their last breath? How did that impact you?

What is “dying”? What is death?

What is the number one item on your bucket list?
What do we learn from death?

What will you miss most in dying?

Posted by Caroline Boaz

What is the difference between a soul and consciousness?

Posted by Linda

future participant (?)

I have always (since early childhood in WWII Europe) been interested in what comes after death. Is there such a thing as Karma, and past lives, and coming back to another life with some of the same people with whom you were in relationships in this life? And would it be appropriate to talk about any of these things at a Death Cafe? At this time, I am still in good health, but several more people very dear to me are in different stages of dying or trying to end their suffering. These people are not interested or able to come to a Death Cafe. May I come to one?

Posted by Magda Grant

Can someone describe e how they facilitate “group led discussion”. The only Death Cafe I attended used a format where Patti pants chose a question from a stack of questions & then everyone had an opportunity to answer it. I think it was a good format for a first time group. I am hoping to facilitate a Death Cafe in the next month & I want to do it “right”. I appreciate any suggestions you might have.
Cheers!

Posted by Jacqueline Palm-Fraser

Thank-you

Thank-you for this- In reading the guide and seeing that you can ask up to 3 questions only if needed if the conversation stalls, my analytical mind immediately went to - "well if I have to , I want to ask a good one(s)" Lol. I'm just honing in the details of hosting my first one and this site is wonderful! And it's reassuring to see that probably no guided questions will be needed based on the experiences. The group guided approach definitely appeals to me -it seems right that it would create the most meaningful experiences. Josefine- you're reading my mind- I was (and am a little- in a good way I think) a little nervous about organizing my first ones. Thank-you! That really helps. I will write down some of these questions and tuck them in the back of my folder just in case lol-only because it will just make me feel better knowing they're there.

I'm very sorry about Jon!

To reaffirm what Lizzie said

Dear Andrea, Death Cafe specifically asks that this is a group led conversation. Lizzie just pointed out what the founders of Death Cafe have laid down in the guidelines. People are invited to say what has brought them to Death Cafe. Engage with each one of them as a group so a conversation develops. I find an hour goes by easily, just be way of introduction around the table. You may ask 'What are the topics that have been touched on? Would you like to discuss any of it further?' The skill as a death cafe facilitator is to be a participant in the conversation and at the same time ensure that everyone feel able to take part in the conversation if they should want to. I find it is common that some people like to take over and talk a lot. I am comfortable with silence. It is not always necessary for the group to talk non stop. Maybe you feel a bit anxious about facilitating? It can be nerve-wracking when you are new to it.

Only just noticed the comment from Jon!

Hi Andrea, I had not seen Jon's comment until just now. Sorry about that.
He spells it out clearly.
As Jon has tragically suddenly died in June, this conversation is obviously old. Another thing I had not noticed.
I hope you have gained in confidence and no longer have a need for 'breaking ice'.

Test, just a test

Hello. And Bye.

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Posted by psyyou

Hello, I’m an end of life doula. I’ve worked with the elderly and in hospice for 27 years. I attended Death cafe in Santa Cruz years ago, I would like to start one in my new home, in Mendocino, Ca.
I want to know if there are any on line Death cafe communities? We are quite rural and spread out, I thought on line, while less personal, could be a way for people to participate.
Thank you, Windy

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