From Black Pond to Japan
A write up of Derby Death Cafe
By timdowdell
6 people present so a lovely intimate group for discussions. More or less at the outset two books were mentioned ‘Dying’ by John Hinton and another more recent publication, ‘Coffin Road’ by Peter May. Both very interesting and there do seem to be an increasing number of books out there dealing with various aspects of death, dying and bereavement.
Clare talked of cardboard coffins, caskets and memory boxes and the limited number of manufactured designs available for those wanting to customise or personalise one for their loved one.
Natural burial sites discussed in outline. Belper Cemetery was mentioned as one of the most beautiful sites in the area. Right at the top of the cemetery with excellent views right across the valley.
Discussion moved on to the length of time between a death and the funeral date. This was blamed on paperwork since Shipman and the time requested by the Crematorium. The printing of service sheets also takes a few days once the content is agreed by the family.
Some families were reported to opt for a small service for close family members with a bigger memorial ceremony later in the year. Many advantages in this approach.
We touched on Quaker funerals with no particular content or structure, Buddhist and Muslim funerals as well. We then moved on to look at Funeral Societies in other countries. People all contributed to the funds and the funeral was financed from that central pot.
A film, ‘On black pond’ recommended for its approach to the subject of death.
This highlighted the importance of discussing funeral wishes in advance and making those wishes known to other members of the family avoids anxiety for the family of making decisions afterwards.
It was noted that in Japan friends and family more or less pay for the funeral of a loved one.
In GB apparently Gift Aid pages have been established in order to pay for the funeral of individuals dying in tragic circumstances, ie young or in financial difficulty.
There was some discussion of why families sometimes go for a big funeral, possibly seen as a mark of respect whereas in other religions or cultures this could even be seen as a mark of disrespect.
At the end of the meeting we discussed the structure of future meetings and possible topics for discussion. Yes to a possible programme of topics such as writing a Tribute, music, readings, personalising the funeral, financial issues ie wills and probate, catering etc. A programme could be devised for coming months to be held at Wathall and Son offices in Derby.
It was also suggested we could form partnerships with other groups such as the Inter Faith Centre at Derby Uni, Wirksworth Death Café and others. Suggested we should consult with those who have attended the group previously as well to get their views.