BIG QUESTIONS - GENERATIVE DISCUSSIONS
A write up of Cowichan Valley Death Cafe
We have agreed to collect and post the big generative questions we have/find about death and dying. Here are our "beginnings" :
“It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers”
James Thurber
COWICHAN VALLEY DEATH CAFE
ASKING THE “BIG” QUESTIONS
WHEN I THINK ABOUT DEATH AND DYING I WONDER….
Do you think there are any topics or ideas that are taboo to discuss? Why?
Has anyone suggested to you it’s morbid to discuss death?
Do you find yourself in more and more conversation/stories about death and the complexities of dying in the modern context?
What frightens you? What do you look forward to? What do you accept?
Have you been through a dying process with someone you loved?
Do you know the day you will die? What would change if you did?
Is there a sense of “putting off” thinking about it? Why?
Can you have an open conversation about death and your own wishes with family members?
How have you come to believe what you believe about death or dying? What minds shaped yours?
What do you believe? What has shaped your choice of what to believe?
Do you know someone who believes completely differently than you do?
How do we expose our children to death?
Reconcile a child’s death?
Why do we not share our feelings and fears with each other,even in our families?
What do we know about grief and how do we support it in our culture?
How do other cultures / religions support grief?
Do we find death in our communities, homes as people did in the past?
How would it be received? What resources are required?
Do I believe there are things one “should” do to be prepared? (business, family affairs , spiritually etc.)
Have you ever had an in depth discussion about death and dying with someone outside your religious or socioeconomic group, or culture?
Is there anything you believe that you would like to convince others to believe?
Are there some rights and wrongs? Some absolutes?
Have you explored the very deep mystic beliefs about death and dying of religions other than your own (such as Islam, Buddhism,Taoism ,Wiccan ,etc.) ?
What terms do we use/should we use –(passed over, left, lost, gone etc. ) ?
How would you suggest we show respect for changing/blending traditions?
What has changed that we have 98% cremations and often no ceremonies at the end of life now?
When or how should we be prepared?
How can we assist others in their processes?
What is your ideal way to die? Why? How often does that happen for people?
Do these phrases sound different / mean different? “end of life choice” , assisted suicide”,” death with dignity”?
What systems of checks and balances do you believe need to be in place n the death with dignity legal processes?
Is suicide a different death? Why? How did we come to think of it as we do?
How could we do it differently?
What do we mean by end of life choices?
How much medical intervention is enough, too much?
What needs to be in my advance directive / living will ( are they the same or different?)
Can we find a more humane alternative to the frantic end of life assault of desperate measures?
Is there simply a kinder way of death?
When do we begin to live too long?
What are the beliefs of the countries, places that support death with dignity?
Is there an emerging change in attitude in our culture about end of life choices?
How do I prepare others to accept my choices and beliefs?
Is death on a large scale or in a disaster felt differently than a personal death?
Is there a death industry (capitalism?)
How available is palliative care?
How many people die at home?
Describe a place of peaceful dying (be, have, need)
How could one die in peace and fulfillment?
Is cultivating inner peace important to living and dying well?
How could we come to have an end of life care infused with a sense of awe in the face of death?
What is the most unique or surprising ritual or response to death you have heard about in the past year? What response did it elicit in you?
How can we come to see life and death as an inseparable whole?
How can I live and die without regret?
Should I donate my body to a medical school?
Where does our real future lie? -after we have lived a hundred years?
Tomorrow or the next life-which comes first? We never know…
Is there anyone who has never been touched by death?
Children dying, or fatal accidents – how does that affect our perceptions of being prepared or dignity?
Do I remember at every moment that I am dying and that everyone else is? – so that I treat all beings with compassion.
Are the small deaths/losses, living links with death, death’s pulse?
What material would you like to have read to you as you are dying?
Death, the moment of final illumination – have you prepared your consciousness to recognize?
What will we have learned if at the moment of death we do not know who we really are?
Death as the ultimate acceptance of no attachment /impermanence- what attachments (of me, by me, for me)?
The dying simply wish for someone who is trying to understand- who cares enough to try?
How can we overcome the sense of isolation that surrounds death?
How do I become fearless and responsible about my own dying?
How do we allow the dying person to die in silence and serenity?
How does one sustain dignity in dying?
What is a graceful exit?
Does death with dignity begin by living a life of courage, true to oneself?
“ Not success, not growth, not happiness… the cradle of your love of life is death”