On a beautiful evening we talk about life, fear & death
A write up of Montpelier Death Cafe
By ellenfein
Our death café is a living mirror of the conversation. When we met yesterday for our sixth monthly meeting, the group had familiar faces and new ones. As we introduced ourselves and the conversation started there were themes that have come up before and new ideas.
Last night fear seemed to speak to everyone in the room, or rather why fear? Isn’t fear, after all, a choice? Who decided that death had to be negative and scary? Is it possible to not only accept death, but view it as a reward, a possibility?
These opening questions led to an inspired conversation about how fear of death limits us from truly opening ourselves to the possibility of our lives. When we accept that we are going to die we can root out a negative emotion that sits in our very core and affects literally everything we can do. Some members shared experiences in which they thought were actually dying. For some it was possible to bypass the initial panic and find beauty by carefully unpacking what was causing them to panic. The lesson was clear, to overcome fear you must understand fear- specifically and intimately. Death, and fear of death, is often a broad generalization for many individual things. And, as a member pointed out, understanding those things can actually allow us to practice dying by actively confronting those fears.
Because we will die whether we practice or not the point of practicing is not only to make death easier, but to make life better. To direct ourselves out of the darkness and isolation, the “what if’s” into the light, stronger connections, to free ourselves from our existential anxiety and slip gently into the idea that today is ok, that death is ok.
As we talk, we begin to realize that perhaps death isn’t the negative thing we have been conditioned to think it is. Death is what brings the beauty of life into sharp relief. Death is what empowers us to live consciously, to live from the heart, to live free of fear. Death is what brings us together every month, and these conversations help us all put fear aside and enjoy that gift: welcoming what is for each of us as we support each other on our journeys.