Montpelier Death Cafe

This was the fourth gathering at the Montpelier Death Café. While many faces in the room are becoming familiar, some are new. Our reasons for gathering are varied, some come because of the recent loss of a loved one, some because they appreciate an open space to talk about death, and some for reasons they cannot put into words.

After a brief round of introductions from those present, the conversation begins with a question: Is it possible to “do death well”? And how, when death comes in so many forms, can we ever prepare ourselves for our inevitable end? Death surrounds us all day, every day, maybe not in literal dying, but in endings. How we deal with those endings can help prepare us, offers one attendee. Passing on is made difficult because we become attached to the things of life, we need to learn to let go and start letting go now, offers another.

Soon the conversation flows easily. We talk about whether or not life is finite or “a transition phase within a bigger picture”. Someone mentions that we are hard-wired for life, so much so that it is impossible to realize the impact that death actually has, no matter what we believe. We clutter our lives with things and have a hard time seeing all the possibilities death can offer us in life. Our thoughts are unique but harmonize. What we are really talking about, says someone, is the loss that is brought on by death, but is that death? Soon we are asking if there is even such a thing as “Death” or is each death as individual as the person dying? We are each only one of the billions of people who have ever lived; death and life have no concept of time or time passing muses on attendee. So is there such a thing as “death”? We are each only our bodies, it is the body that dies for sure, what about what is embodied?

As we talk there is a peace in the room, a comforting feeling that no one has the answers. A woman speaks softly, “all we can do is allow for death.” We will always have questions, but we have the gift of being able to evolve along with the answers if we embrace that we don’t know. “Be lightly ready”, agrees an attendee across the room, “refuse the fear”. After all, agrees another, fear of death is really about fear, fear of living. “The thing about dying is being alive”, laughs someone. The woman continues if we live fully, if we live opening forward to a reality that will keep changing, if we can surrender control, we can free ourselves from fear and live fully.

There is silence in the room. Our time is up. We each leave the conversation with something different. But everyone is grateful for the opportunities for thought.

Hope to see you next month!