Snow Storms and Fresh Faces
A write up of Death Cafe Des Moines
Last month was yet another great conversation! We started out talking about how David Bowie’s death plans affected his loved ones and fans, and “who is the funeral for, anyway?!” It was a great way to start the evening: questions that led to discussion.
We had a few new people join us, which was a welcome surprise: we had a snow storm that evening, so we only had one of our “regulars”, plus the three facilitators, attending that evening. Our visitors rounded out our small group to 6 people and brought a burst of new energy! They are interested in starting a Death Café in their corner of Iowa, so our Death Café was partially conversation and partially tips/experiences from our own history with Death Café. We had a wonderful idea swapping ideas and sharing some topics that have come up in our Death Cafes.
One of those topics was our experiences of the deceased affecting our lives, whether by physical signs, dreams, or an awareness of their reactions to our choices. This is always such a meaningful conversation, and brings out stories from nearly every person in the room!
We had an interesting conversation about how hospice care has changed since its inception in the late 1970’s, which led to an even larger look at how we (don’t) let people die peacefully in the States. We talked about how our American culture and our faiths affect our personal comfort with death and dying. We are a very death-avoidant culture, and that culture shapes many of the religious customs and trends to lean on for support. We had an interesting conversation about why we avoid talking about death and funeral planning in that light, and someone mentioned that “The Conversation Project” group on Facebook is a good resource for helping to start that conversation outside of Death Café.
We had an interesting conversation about the Death with Dignity Act, which is gaining footing here in Iowa. It was interesting to hear how people connected with this tough topic, and it was great how supportive everyone was of each other, regardless of beliefs! Two films were mentioned as “further research” for anyone interested in diving into this topic: “The Suicide Tourist” (PBS?) and “How to Die in Oregon” (Netflix).
One of the best parts of this Death Café was the wide range of ages. We probably had 40 years between the oldest and youngest adult! The older and wiser among us were very excited to see young people engaged in the conversation so early in life, and the younger among us were excited to see the older folks engaging in this conversation! Despite living in a state with one of the highest elderly populations, we rarely have a chance to speak freely about death and dying. Iowans are very practical, but also have a strong “Oh, don’t you worry about me” mindset that can curb conversations like this one. Even more reason to continue holding Death Café each month!
At the end of the evening, we all agreed: Death Café is rejuvenating!
Topics we ran out of time to explore: Green burials (documentary recently watched) and Death Doulas