Denver Death Cafe August Summary
A write up of Denver Death Cafe-August
By Anita Larson
Denver Death Café Summary
August 24, 2014
Many thanks to Karrie Filipios with Agape Hospice Services (independently owned) for hosting the August Denver Death Cafe and providing refreshments. The cake was delicious and beautifully decorated.
The room was overflowing with 55 participants ranging in age from 20-89. No one seemed to mind because the chairs were comfy and everyone could hear each other without a microphone.
Below is a summary of our discussions and thoughts in no particular order.
Burial, Cremation, Whole Body & Organ Donation
The majority of attendees indicated they prefer cremation over burial. There was discussion around burials, cremated and buried on top of another grave, community columbarium at a local church, organ donation vs. whole body donation. You can still have a Ceremony no matter what you choose to do with your body. One participant got us all laughing when she said, “I’m a cultural anthropology student and when my mom dies if she chooses to be cremated she wants me to take a few ashes with me on my travels. I’ll sprinkle them in various locations around the world and she’ll still get to use her frequent flyer miles”.
What Happens After Death
Death is death and you are done, but not everyone else is done. Loved ones pass away and life goes on. “When I die, I know I’ll be going on.” “Well, I know I’m never going to die ever.” What’s behind Door #1? Is that freedom? When someone is dying, open the windows so their spirit can leave the room. Sudden death vs. natural death – when you know it will happen. There is a difference. Mom was killed in a car accident, that is different than dying from old age.
Technology and Death
“Wow! The Wifi here is great!” What happens to all your online stuff? There is a new role to assign in your end of life wishes that of Digital Executor. That person will have your passwords and access to take care of online things after you are gone. Website or Facebook page as a Memorial. Posting messages is a way of grieving and connecting with others. A website could be setup as a foundation or special cause, an ongoing remembrance of a loved one.
Signs of Dying
Hearing is the last thing to go. Breathing, death rattle, talking to them, they know you are there. Say the words, “You can let go now” and other comforting phrases for them to release. “I’m more afraid of living than dying. I don’t want any doctor trying to keep me alive if my time is up.”
Remembering the One Who Died
How will people remember me? How many people want to have a marker or be at a cemetery? If cremated, what will be done with my ashes? Who will hike up a mountain or go out in the ocean if I want to be scattered somewhere? In other words, who will carry out my wishes? “I’m kind of old and go to lots of funerals. I like going to funerals to learn more about the person. I like hearing the stories and maybe learn something I didn’t know about them.” “I was part of a search and rescue team on Mt. Evans for a missing father and son. Our team located their bodies. As a team, we needed to grieve so we went up on the mountain last week to remember and honor them.”
More Thoughts
Are there other cultures that talk openly about death and discuss preparing for it? Death can happen anytime at any age, it would be comforting to be prepared. Interesting to learn about my own emotional response as other people were talking. Thought it would be a small group, nice to have so many thoughts and comments. What emotional honesty! Learned so much from the young people and how respectful everyone was in sharing their opinions. “Hey, we didn’t talk about if anyone has communicated with someone who has passed.” The conversation continues…
Carpool Request
Alicia is looking to carpool with someone to attend the next Denver Death Cafe. She lives in the Congress Park area. If you are able to give her a ride you may contact her via email ancientinstincts@msn.com or phone 720.227.8078.
The next Denver Death Café will be Sunday, September 28th from 3:00 p.m. – 4:30 p.m. at The Denver Hospice Inpatient Care Center @ Lowry, Education Room
8299 E. Lowry Blvd., Denver, CO 80230
Please plan to arrive a few minutes early to secure a seat and grab some refreshments.
We will begin promptly at 3:00. No RSVP required.
“Talking about death leads to a good life.”
With Gratitude,
Anita Larson, Facilitator & Celebrant
P.S. The Denver Death Café is one year old and we’ll be celebrating at the September gathering!