Denver's First Death Cafe Highlights
A write up of Denver Death Cafe
By Anita Larson
Highlights of Denver’s 1st Death Café
September 8, 2013
Welcome! Many thanks to Wy Livingstone and Wystone’s Tea for hosting Denver’s first Death Cafe and to Alex our wonderful server. Thank you to Larry Larson & Sherry McDowell for helping with signups, greeting guests and taking notes during the event. Intro about Death Café – what it is and what it is not. Visit www.DeathCafe.com to learn more of the history and find Death Cafes in other cities or countries.
Denver Death Café has a Face Book page here: www.facebook.com/denverdeathcafe Please like the page and post any thoughts, comments or resources on our page. Thank you!
Handed out copies of the Westword article by Amber Taufen. It’s available online here:
http://blogs.westword.com/showandtell/2013/09/the_inaugural_denver_death_caf.php Thank you Amber!
30 attendees ranging in age from 18 to 90+. Professions of participants included: Healthcare professionals, hospice nurses, caregivers, body workers, celebrants, attorney, funeral director, coroner, students, practitioner, entrepreneurs and many others.
The October Death Café will be held at Heflebower Funeral Services in Highlands Ranch, CO – details forthcoming. www.heflebowerfuneralservices.com Mike Heflebower recommended a brochure titled “The Talk of a Lifetime” free download here: http://www.talkofalifetime.org/
Lora Thomas, the Douglas County Coroner shared information about the free event in October – “The Truth Uncovered: A Night with the Coroner.” More details here: www.douglas.co.us/coroner and you must register to attend. These are very popular so register early.
Topic for respectful dialogue and listening: “What constitutes a good death?”
· A good death is subjective and multi-faceted. There are family & friends experiencing the death along with the person dying.
· Final Exit – an organization that assists in one’s own death.
· A good life can lead to a good death, unprepared can go out kicking and screaming, each person needs to lead discussion about death. I believe the energy today will help shift the energy for others to be open and discuss death.
· Talk about being prepared! Father-in-law knew he had 3 months to live, I had wonderful conversations with him.
· 93 year old birthday is today and her children will not talk to her about death.
· We have a plan but when death happens, how much of that will get done?
· Families being unprepared, lost two family members, whole family in denial, no one really talked about it and both individuals were sick.
Resources Shared
www.GetYourShitTogether.org - Life & Death Planning, Low Effort, High Reward
www.AGoodGoodbye.com - Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die
www.GoodEndofLife.com - 5 free simple worksheets for talking about important stuff now!
http://compassionandchoicesofcolorado.org/ (formerly Hemlock Society) While our name has changed, our mission remains the same: to support and advocate for a dying person’s choice at end of life.
Dying with Dignity Video: http://vimeo.com/channels/548227
Five Wishes Document - www.agingwithdignity.org/legal_Colorado.php
Terry Pratchett Documentary – Choosing to Die - http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/terry-pratchett-choosing-to-die/ Watch online free.
Takeaway Comments & Thoughts
· My opinion of death was changed.
· This is pioneering work – thank you Anita!
· Love it all – thought it was great and non-judgmental.
· Enjoyed this immensely – thank you all!
· We can get ideas from each other by talking about death.
· Loved the idea of natural burials.
· I spoke with a funeral home owner and asked him, “Who is your biggest competitor?” Answer: “The Rocky Mountains. People are cremating loved ones and scattering in the mountains, returning them to the earth.” Idea shared: A friend of mine had a picture painted of where her loved one’s cremains were scattered and it’s hanging in her living room. Another idea: OR how about a photograph? Great ideas!
Evaluation Form Comments
Event was rated overwhelmingly a 5 out of 5 – Excellent
Words by attendees describing their first Death Café experience: touching, educational, moving, important, respectful, fascinating, diverse, thoughtful, interesting, meaningful, supportive and uplifting.
“I honestly have tears. I’m not exactly sure why in this moment, but it has something to do with letting go of the fears of living my purpose more fully right now.”
“I appreciated the idea of a “death on purpose”.
“Communication about death is vital – it’s started!”
Note from the Facilitator
The event exceeded any expectations I had and my heart is bursting with gratitude to each one of you brave souls for attending the premiere event. Fighting traffic and crowds to get there – you are troopers! The dialogue was respectful and flowed well from one thought to the next. Appreciated your tolerance of the loud blowing fan that made it challenging to hear and speak. Rest assured that will not be an issue at future events. My intent is that everyone be heard who wants to speak and respect those who are there to listen, taking it all in. I learned so much and there is more to learn. I see the elephant’s toe peeking out from the closet – the death conversations have started and we are all part of that. Bravo! Invite your friends, share your experience and forward this write up to anyone that may be interested. Look forward to seeing you next month and continuing the conversation.
With Gratitude,
Anita Larson