Review of First Death Café in Waterloo Region, in Ontario, Canada Sunday Nov 10, 2013
A write up of Waterloo Region Death Cafe
By candles13
For our first café, we had 20 participants. Aspen and I were very excited as that was the original number we thought we would like! We did only informal word-of-mouth/ emailing promotion and purposefully did not invite any media as it was our first Café.
It was held on a Sunday afternoon in a café open after-hours for us. To set an intentional tone of light, warmth, and nurturing, we began by lighting a hand-rolled beeswax candle, which Linda had made. (We hope to light the same one at subsequent Death Cafes.) We also had live music – 2 local musicians – guitar and ukulele. The musicians played some introductory selections and then we had two times of sing-alongs. Lyric song-sheets were provided at each table.
We made sure we chose songs with inclusive language. Here are the titles:
- Death Came a Knockin'
- Will the circle be unbroken
- Enjoy yourself
- When it comes my turn
- Wayfaring Stranger
- Motherless Child
- I shall be released
- I'll fly away
- I'm so lonesome I could cry
- My Way (with this song, people sang heartily and with great enthusiasm! The lyrics seem so å propos, poignant, AND we had such fun and laughter singing it.)
Of the 20 attending, we received 17 evaluations.
Here are the three-word descriptors of the Café for participants:
‘my first, embracing life, warm and welcoming’ / ‘invigorating, pensive, maudlin’ / ’warmth, openness’ / ‘intimate, enlightening, connection’ / ‘ real, touching, beautiful’ / ‘safe, belonging, gratitude’ / ‘peaceful, safe, caring’ / ‘ informative, reassuring, friendly’ / ‘different, easy, inquiring’ / ‘relaxed, engaging, interesting’ / ‘uplifting, gentle, generous’ / ‘ intimate, caring, real’ / ‘joyful, intimate, fun’ / ‘calming, real, respected’ / ‘inviting, accepting, informal’ / ‘engaging, intimate, entertainment’ / ‘intimate, laughter, thought-provoking’
When asked if there was any change to thoughts or feelings about death: Six said there was no change. The rest indicated a positive change for them.
Most people clearly liked the structure of the two conversations in our Café. There was a suggestion to have less time spent on the “guidelines” at the beginning. Next time we will put our guidelines on cards at individual tables.
When asked if they would attend another Death Café, most said they would.
Participants enjoyed singing and thought it contributed to the conversations in good ways.
There were several suggestions to allow more time for longer discussions.
Folks really liked the venue, the refreshments.
We asked for donations during the Café and also ‘passed the hat’. We were able to meet 75% of our costs. Aspen and I made up the difference.
We included a short closing with a Mary Oliver poem, a dried rose and a moment of silence (it was the day before Remembrance Day), and extinguished the candle.
Plans are underway for our next café.