August Meeting
A write up of Montpelier Death Cafe
Making the decision to attend a Death Café is one that should be applauded. While some attendees are eager for a space to openly talk about death, it still takes a certain courage for anyone to confront what many think of as life’s ultimate mystery.
As we talked this month it became clear that for many, death, perhaps because it is inevitable, is not really what scares us. Dying does and not knowing what comes next is what is truly unsettling. We have a choice about whether or not to be afraid of death, or we can at least do our best to condition ourselves to the fact that we can die. But we don’t, and in many ways cannot, know what it means to us that we die. Since many people try to spend as little time as possible thinking and talking about death many have neglected to weave death into the personal narrative of our lives.
And yet, it is precisely that- having a personal relationship with your dying, and what that means that can provide a source of comfort for so many. Our individual thoughts and theories about an afterlife, or lack thereof, imbue each living moment with meaning. Life is full of transitions and changes, why should dying be one that carries so much fear? Yes, death is unique, but it is also a part of life. And our lives are full of changes we learn to navigate and accept.
This conversation about having a personal relationship with death did lead to suicide. Here in Vermont, Physician Assisted Death is legal but where is the line between the right to die with assistance and suicide? How do we compare physical, spiritual, and mental suffering? Should we compare them? Can suicide be a part of life’s natural arc? And why is it so hard for us, a room full of people who have come together explicitly to talk about death, to talk about suicide?
As always, the meeting was insightful and respectful, even when navigating such difficult topics as the afterlife and suicide. As always, even the most uncomfortable topics led to the conclusion that the solution lies with engaging in and encouraging more open dialogue. Only by sharing our thoughts and being heard can we find the insight each of needs to live with purpose.