Des Moines Death Cafe
A write up of Death Cafe Des Moines, IA
Amanda the Panda Family Grief Center hosted Des Moines' first Death Cafe this past Saturday! It had a lot of challenges, but also a lot of rewards.
We sent out the message via Facebook (our page & an event page), Twitter, Pinterest, & Instagram, as well as emails to grief services state-wide, our program committee, word-of-mouth, and using the event button on the Death Cafe Website. We had LOTS of interest, and by Saturday night, we had about 30 RSVPs!
Our challenges were all venue-related. We had reserved the rooftop, but when we arrived, we were locked out, and all of the chairs we stacked & padlocked together. We couldn't find anyone with a key, and our venue didn't have ANY advertisement about Death Cafe. Luckily, we are good at improvising, and we had some wonderful people (friends & volunteers) who showed up early and hung signs, moved chairs, greeted participants, and (most importantly) set out cupcakes. :)
The space we ended up in was a little cafe/art gallery. It wasn't an ideal space, because traffic & high ceilings made it difficult to hear, but the participants were SUCH good sports about it, and worked really hard to speak up and be heard!
Our conversation was great! It was really exciting to see the participants really open themselves up and connect with each other. We didn't always agree on everything, but nobody tried to sway or detract from another person's beliefs.
Our topics were wide and varied: the stupid (but well-intentioned) things that people say after a death, the practice of green vs. traditional burial, traditional funerals to very untraditional celebrations, the importance of pets, and how their deaths are just as painful/important as their human counterparts, how to explain to others that a person (a father, for example), is DEAD, and not an angel (recognizing that difference for a child), who we want to care for us as we age/become ill (especially those of us without partners or children), what a "good death" means for us, and what it would take for us to be ready to die.
It was amazing how fast the evening went! We brushed on several topics, including the idea that we are now all "pioneers", and need to take these conversations home, to work, to our places of worship and communities. Many of the participants asked to be included in our next Death Cafe, which we are hoping to hold in October.
As a host, I was really glad to have another person who had recently gone through a "training" on Death Cafe, because we were able to volley some information back and forth. For example, she talked about the origins of Death Cafe, and I talked about why we were creating this space, and the "rules." I could have done it on my own, but it was relaxing to know someone else could (and would) step in.
A few people had to leave early, but here is a picture of our group at the end of the night!