Desperately Seeking Online Death Cafe

Hello, I have just been diagnosed with Stage Four Metastatic Breast Cancer (there is no Stage Five) and am looking for some honest dialogue and discussion about death, since that's where I'm headed, possibly a lot sooner than later, lol. I am being beaten to death (pardon the pun) with the pink, the perky, the hopeful, and the living but NO ONE wants to discuss the very large, dead elephant in the room. I have already checked out DCs in my area, and they are both not in session. Any info on a DC online? Pink/perky/hopeful/wellness folk need not respond. I've been beaten to death (sorry!) with all of that over the past five years and guess what! My cancer still metastisized anyway! I want reality and honesty and suppport and unfortunately have to seek it online. Please don't ask me to start a DC, as I am dealing with so much right now.  Any info anyone can provide would be greatly and deeply appreciated.

Comments

Hi Honey! I appreciate your honesty and am very sorry for all that you have went through. I run the Death Cafe FB page and also host Death Cafe St. Joe. I have received numerous inquires about online Death Cafes. I have not been able to find anyone to host one yet, so I think I shall host one myself. :) Please email me at meganjomooney@gmail.com I look forward to talking to you soon.

All the best,

Megan

Hello Honey

I can sense your frustration.

I'm just wondering if you might have a Soul Midwife in your area. I have trained myself, though am very newly fledged. I think a Soul Midwife may be able to help in exactly the way you describe - there are no elephants in the room. You could look at www.soulmidwives.co.uk (tho it looks as if they're working on the site today as I just checked and it's not up - but it was yesterday!) If you'd like to talk more to me, please email me - I am in the Tring, Herts area

wendy.bluebell@gmail.com

Good luck with your continuing journey

Wendy x

Posted by Wendy

Hi Wendy, Thanks for your kind response and for your complete understand and use of the word FRUSTRATION. Yes! Yeay! Somebody GETS it! LOL! Here in my community (I am in the States) we are allowed only three emotions: HAPPY (the most important, inclusive of that all-encompassing emotion, HOPE); Angry (Anger is evil and only allowable under the correct, community-condoned experiences, such as a mother's anger, a wife's anger, a man's anger over a (pre-qualified, allowable "manly issue) and Sadness--(again, only allowable and ONLY FOR A PRESCRIBED BY THE COMMUNITY AMOUNT OF TIME--no emotional slackers allowed!) and then right back to the up-and-at-em, go-get-em-tiger ain't nuthin' gonna break my stride, I'm a WINNER world. Under "Sadness" falls the sub-emotions of "grief" (you can mourn a loved one, but only for, again, a socially prescribed time of maybe--a day--and then back to work, you overemotional POS, weak, whining coward!) and mouning (usually JUST at the gravesite and NOT A MINUTE MORE) Of course, the fact that my community has one of the highest alcoholic problems in the US and extremely high drug addiction issues somehow doesn't figure into this, lol. And the word "Frustration" is an unknown, not allowed or, if it is known, is worse than stage four cancer (which I have) and is NOT ALLOWED (the frustration, not the cancer.) We have tons of cancer here, but it's done in a hopeful, perky, happy, pink way, so as not to offend our "betters" (you know, all those folk buying all those pink ribbon products once a year and then putting us back in the closet) and those of whom have "survived" without becoming stage V because of the usual tired "reasons"--they prayed, God listened, they're special 'cause they kids/grandkids, they ate right and exercised. (And if you do all that anyway and still metastasized, IT'S YOUR FAULT! YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG! YOU GOT ANGRY! YOU DIDN'T EAT VEGAN! YOU DIDN'T HAVE KIDS! YOU WORSHIP THE WRONG GOD! YOU EXPRESSED THE WRONG EMOTION--Thank you, Deepak Chopra et al) You know, all the bs. I hope you get the humor in this!--except I believe, if one is truly conscious, it's not funny--it's horrifying. Are you in the states? Pinktober is coming up: Pink Ribbon Hell Month, so this is something you can check out yourself, lol. Please read my comments to cloverlime (above) on the state of stage V bc (the "non-existent" bc) in the US. Now, as to Soul Midwifery --sounds marvelous, and I am curious to learn more, so I signed up for their newsletter. This is all so new to me, so I thank you for your comments here and for taking the time to recommend something. Also, Congrats on becoming one, too. You must be a very special person to want to do this kind of work--it ain't for sissies, lol.

I will be shooting you an email shortly with my email. Again, many thanks for your insightful comment and recommendation.

Best,
HoneyD

Posted by HoneyD

I'm available for online chat if you're interested. I'm not particularly perky about breast cancer. E-mail or IM me at cloverlimes@aim.com

To Megan

Hey Megan, I just shot you an email at the addy you provided. Thank you so much for wanting to do up an online DC! I hope to be a charter member, lol. Feel free to get back to me at your convenience. Best, HoneyD

Posted by HoneyD

Thank you for your pithy comment, lol. You are completely correct…there is **nothing** perky about bc. Alas, the US marketing machine grinds out this bs and its popular message and, like lemmings to the sea, our benumbed populace sucks that garbage right up without looking behind the curtain for reality. And the reality: "Metastatic breast cancer (MBC) strikes 30% (30%! am I only human being HORRIFIED by that figure?) of ALL breast cancer patients. Still others initially present at stage IV (there is no stage V) at initial diagnosis. Median survival after diagnosis is only two to three years (WTF???--This would be ME) Yet, of the billions of dollars spent every year on breast cancer research (don't fergit to buy that pink-ribbon bucket o' chicken now, y'hear?) LESS THAN 5% goes to research for StageIV (remember, there is no stage V.) Non-medical support for this devastating disease (which I have) is rare." Source of the previous comments: METAvivor Research and Support www.metavivor.org So, I agree with you wholeheartedly, clover limes, bc is not particularly perky. I wrote you an email at the addy you provided. Thanks again for your comments, they made me smile :-) Best, HoneyD

Posted by To cloverlimes

Let's talk

Hello Honey,

I'm looking forward to talking with you straighforwardly and honestly about death. I've been a spiritual seeker for 30 years. I am very happy to listen to your feelings and thoughts and sharing support and some insight with you on what to expect.

Please email me: golden@uslink.net

Blessings,
Scott

Posted by Scott Persons

I cannot tell if this is an old post or more recent.
I am organizing on online death cafe for mindful people. I am only waiting approval.

I am also living with a stage four diagnosis. Let's talk either way. Bridgett@bridgettperry.com

Posted by Bridgett

www.us-funerals.com

Like Bridgett, I am unsure as to the date of this posting. I found this post online searching for info on "online death cafes".
I run a funeral website, and an affordable cremation network, so without being a funeral director, my livelihood is death!

I advocate for complete disruption in the death care industry and have wrote about and support change. Natural burials, home/DIY funerals, death doulas, the Right to Die & POD -preplanning without giving a funeral company your money.

Would love to network with people who want disruption in death care, or need advice/support in terms of open, frank discussions about death and dying.
sara@us-funerals.com

Posted by Sara

Hello all, I am an end of life Doula and I only just got permission to host an online death cafe. I am trying to have it ready to launch for Halloween evening 6-8pm. Contact me at abebe71@hotmail.com for more info or if you just need to talk.

Posted by Sandra