thanatophobia

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My name is cherry and i am currently fearing death a lot. I will be going along my business and then, oh yeah we're gonna die. I hate it. I just want some peace

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I have death anxiety, I suffer from chronic anxiety and depression and always have done as I also have Asperger's syndrome, I am also an ex born again Christian and when you loose that religion you loose the certainty that went with it, deep in my head I guess I still fear hell. Even though it's irrational. Also as an Autistic person I hate change and death is a massive change, as i get older there's more death, more often.

Posted by Ali

existence

you have never known a moment when you did not exist and you never shall... dying is what we all seem to be doing, but death is something that only happens to others.
if upon your passing you persist in some non-human form, you will not be dead. if you fade into oblivion, you will not be there to notice.

Posted by ric

Death anxiety

Hi Cherry,
It sounds like a sort of panic attack/anxiety attack. I wonder if you are aware what happens just before this thought strikes you. And what happens when the thought of death strikes you? I suggest you do an exercise that I suggest when I work with a frightening element of a dream: Really look in great detail at what is frightening, describe it. Maybe write this down. It might help thinking about this and what it means to you and what you feel about it if you talk to someone who can do this with you and be supportive.
For instance a dream of running from someone who is coming after you in a dream. Stop and turn round and ask what do you want? And really be open to listening what this character wants and ask why.

Having death anxiety can be like always running from it when it comes along. Stop and ask yourself, what is so frightening and listen to all the details of it. It might just be that the anxiety is trig to tell you to connect with you or give you something you are missing. Etc.

Posted by Josefine Speyer

Thanatophobia

Hi Cherry,

I don't see a date on this post, but it appears people with death anxiety don't understand what Thanatophobia is. Just so you know, I have the same fear, and it's not a panic attack, it's an ongoing fear and dread of our fate we cannot escape from. I wish people would do the research on a subject before giving their advice and/or opinion. This is a very very painful phobia. I understand how you feel. Are you in the L.A. area? I ask because a friend and I are in the process of forming a support group. We'll be using meetup as the method. Hang in there.

Posted by Ophelia

Have feared never existing once I die since a child. I put it off until I was older and then I was old enough tow worry again. If I can't control dying if it involves never waking up I fear it. I would like to know that we don't die but transform but am not convinced. There is no proof about what occurs when we die so that is what frightens me. Have too much anxiety on a daily basis and am trying to talk myself into not worrying. The older I get the worse is the fear.

Posted by Donna Baumoehl

Ms.

Hi everyone, I am a recovered Thanataphobic (meaning I no longer have an out of control fear of death...just a normal sized fear, which i feel is natural when thinking about the greatest mystery known to man)
I now works at the end of life, and runs Death Cafe events.
As someone who suffered terribly from death anxiety for over half my life, I believe it's really important to share our fears with others who feel the same, as secrecy can exacerbate fear a hundredfold in my experience. I kept my own death anxiety a secret until I was in my twenties, because in those days nobody wanted to talk about , and there were no Death Cafes.

I feel now that sharing those fears with like minded people in a safe space would have helped me enormously, as silence breeds more fear. I therefore started a little corner for people with death anxiety in my Death cafe events, but it has proved so popular, that I have decided to move it to a separate event, exclusively for Thanataphobics. Here is a link to the Thanataphobia Cafe Facebook page, where you can view a 10 minute video of me talking about my own journey through this terrible phobia. We will be posting articles about Thanataphobia and publicising event there, so please click "like" if you wish to see these.
https://www.facebook.com/ThanataphobiaCafe

The first event will be taking place by Zoom this coming Wednesday 16th September 2020 7pm - 8.30pm UK (GMT) time. Here is the link
https://www.facebook.com/events/758680678007479/

You can check times in your own area using this link:
https://www.worldclock.com/time-zone-converter/

To attend all you need is a working webcam and audio. It's helpful if we can all see each other, as this creates a deeper sense of intimacy.

We will be talking in small groups of 4-6 about anything that comes up, related to our fears around death and dying. Each group has an experienced facilitator, and there is no pressure to speak until you feel ready. All feelings are welcome. You are free to leave or take a break at any time. I hope some of you will be able to join us. We will be holding them monthly and are limited to 20 people per event. It is free to attend but you need to reserve a place, Caroline

Posted by caroline dent

God I hope this discussion isn’t dead.

No pun intended.

I have thanatophobia to the EXTREME. I’ve been studying psychology for two years and still haven’t found a way to cope.

I’ve been suffering since I was six. One time I closed my eyes and “saw” black, darkness. I believe it started there.
As I grew older, I would get panic attacks. Usually at night, I would start thinking about life and how short it really is.

I focus on the fact that one doesn’t really begin their life until 20ish- after they’ve finished school or whatever.
Then you’ve only got 50 years left (maybe).

Lately, my panic attacks have been getting significantly worse. I keep coming to the conclusion I will search for immortality and will pay high dollars for even a hoax, just to see if it will work.

It’s pathetic and ruining my life. I hope I can find support here.

Posted by Suvi

Thinking of death.

Hey Cherry,
I remembered when I was 8 years old and watched the movie My Dog Skip. It a kids show and completely harmless. But in the end where the boy and the dog died I was overcome with a crippling fear that I couldn't explain. I used to believe in God and in my 8 year old mind death pictured to be a staircase that ascended or descended based on where you deserve to go. But when I watched that movie I was introduced to a new concept of death, the end. Not existing, not knowing for sure what happens after really scared me. It got soo bad that I had frequent panic attacks, awful nightmares, and hallucinations. Now I'm 17 and it still affects me to this day. Not everybody understands as there is a stigma around mental health especially in the Caribbean, where I'm from.

Posted by Jay Negone

Thinking of death.

Posted by Jay Negone

Can't do it

Long story short, I lost my faith and developed thanatophobia about the same time. It's not the dying that I'm afraid of, it's the fact that I can't ever come back. I can't bear the thought of not existing! Now I spend my time worrying about how and when I'm gonna die! I've had this fear for a year now and I know I won't make another like this. I'm right with ya. I wish there was a simple cure... and NO, I do not mean religion. I've already tried many different anxiety pills with no luck. The only thing that works on occasion is weed and/or CBD oil.

Posted by Chance

The Nothingness

I too have the fear of death & no longer existing. The anxious thought pops into my head more frequently since I got pregnant & had my 2nd child.

The anxiety of it makes me feel cold all the way through and can happen any time of day. It does seem to be more often as I am starting to fall asleep.

My brain says "Is this what dying feels like?" and then I am wide awake and needing lights/TV on to drown out my thoughts.

I'm turning 33 next week and these anxiety thought spirals have been happening since I was 5.

My grandfather died for 3 mins during an operation and he told me that when they brought him back, it felt like he'd had the most wonderful sleep and he wasn't afraid. That gave me comfort for some years but no longer.

I'm sorry we all fear this way. It's strange how it feels so isolating yet death is the end of all of us.

Posted by Kay

my constant fight

im not sure how old this thread is but i just want somewhere to get off my chest. i have been dealing with the fear of death from a young age, when i was little i worried daily for my mom dying in car accident whatever, i used to sit and watch outside the window, i would call her work and check on her, eventually i grew out og it. when my grandma died when i was 18, (i am now 21) my life changed forever. thats the day i realised how permanent death was. i had panic attacks almost every night for months after that, i still sometimes get the dread almost every time i lay in the dark, it was so horrible at first. i also have nightmares. weed helps that tho, its hard to reach out to others about this, i feel so alone because everybody has this fear and nobody can tell me anything to help me shake the thoughts... i also would hate to ever burden anybody with the dread that i have to feel everytime i look or thunk about anything it reminds me of it... i am constantly reminded in almost everything i look at or think about that i am going to die. i wish i had money for health insurance so i can get therapy, i feel like i am a happy person , only because i am young and healthy. i know when i am old and in pain im gonna be probably having constant panic attacks and im afraid im going to go crazy.. i cant bear the thought of not existing... forever... it absoluetly destroys me. good luck everybody else. this helps me live a more meaningful life thankfully, because i am on a constant reminder that nothing is permanent so i cherish and value the moments and my time. its just the panic attacks really suck, and i know things are only going to get worse when im older.

Posted by jess

Death of parent - fear of death

My mum passed away 20 years ago aged 40, I am leading up to that age and I am suffering from anxiety, feeling out of control, and pain or illness feel it's the end of the world, am I alone?

Posted by Andrew

Ms.

It took me a long time to recover. It was a lifetime’s work in many ways, and in some ways it has been a gift as it led me on such a profound journey of discovery. Although needless to say, I would never have chosen it !

The way I see my journey of recovery is that it had three main strands to it.

These are the three main strands in my journey of recovery from thanataphobia, for anyone that is interested :

1. Researching what death is: I started reading everything I could find on NDEs back in the early 80s. I Became interested in metaphysics and parapsychology. I was really looking for evidence that consciousness is not confined to the brain. After 40 years of researching this subject, I now became convinced that death is not the end.

2. I went on a journey of personal growth, got involved with self help groups and started to examine my early childhood. I saw So much anxiety there, which I now believe provided the compost in which my death anxiety was able to flourish. Secrecy on my part, allowed it to grow out of control. My mother was suicidal at times, so I felt pretty unsafe and my home life was not secure and stable.

3. Learning techniques and strategies to help with anxiety in the moment. I don’t suffer from death anxiety now, but I think the anxiety became so embedded in me at an age when my brain was still forming, anxiety can arise quickly in me, almost out of nowhere, and is almost like a physical presence at times. Learning how to deal with this when it arises is key for me. Mindfulness practices are good in that we become more aware of how our thoughts and feelings are connected, so we can learn to interrupt them over time. Grounding practices are also very helpful. This includes getting outside and into nature as much as possible. Keeping my feet on the earth and being present in all my senses, helps to keep chaotic thoughts from taking over. Singing and dancing are also good practices. I live to cycle along the river near where I live.

I hope that is of use to some of you, Caroline

Posted by caroline dent

I am terrified of dying. Ever since I was 8 I have had trouble sleeping because I keep myself up at night. I just don’t know how to fix it. I track my parents and loved ones when there in a car because I’m worried something will happen to them. I’m just constantly worrying something bad will happen

Posted by kate

Hi I know this post is old but I'm literally in the middle of going through a panic attack/ anxiety attack whatever you want to call it. I've gone through almost everything in my head and to start off I feel like absolute shit to say it like this but I only fear my own death. And when I say this I don't mean it as in I don't care that my loved ones will pass or anything but that im more concerned with my own mortality than theirs. If I had to describe how I'm feeling right now I'd say it's a mix of extreme nausea and having to pee, im sweating and going into a hyperventilating state. This has been on going since I had my son. My grandmother passed away in 2013 and I loved her very much and even though she died in my home I didn't feel scared of it at that time it was almost comforting. I sat in the room with her holding her lifeless hand while I waited for the funeral people to come pick up her body for cremation. It wasn't scary it wasn't anything uncomfortable it was just like as though she was sleeping but never woke up. I don't have anxiety as to how I die but as to how it will feel, what the process is and how my son/ family will be able to deal with it and that fact that I won't come back after it happens. It's gotten extremely out of hand before when I first had my son I couldn't enjoy anything and would cry myself to sleep because the stress and anxiety would get so bad. I went to Disney (my favorite place) for my birthday and literally spent the entire time thinking to myself "why does this matter we're all human we're all going to die" and thinking about how my mom will pass caused an even bigger panic attack knowing that I can't go back and take advantage of all the time I had then and add it to now makes me upset since I feel like her life is going to be ending before mine. I would think about these things not knowing why and I'd get myself so worked up I'd have to run to the bathroom and throw up. I started meditation for a few months and the incidents practically disappeared. Recently a friend of mine committed suicide and it's starting all over again... I can't even sleep next to my son at night because if I even feel his heartbeat I start to go into hysteria thinking about how I'm going to pass before him and can't fix that and that one day he will too. It comes and goes now which is starting to worry me. I don't know what triggers it, but I know I'll get ready for bed and all of a sudden it appears in my mind and I sit there for hours trying to calm myself down.

Posted by Nickole

I had dreams of dying giving birth while I was pregnant with my 5th child.
These dreams went on for months and because of them I was unable to sleep until 4am most mornings. My whole body clock changed because of these dreams.
Whilst in Labour the dreams haunted me and I was blacking out between contractions and had an urgency on if it went on too long it wouldn't end well so I persuaded my midwife to let me push.
The dreams and fears let up for a few months following giving birth but then as soon as I was back in to a rhythm I started having severe panic attacks and debilitating thoughts.

It's been 3 years now and I am more scared than ever.
My panic attacks don't happen as often but it feels like instead of one big panic attack at 2am while I'm lying in the quiet over thinking, it's now a smaller constant panic attack that riddles me throughout the day and just causes constant anxiety and stress.

There is no talk of death that doesn't set me off. My mind does not see death as a positive or enlightening topic.

Now with all the Covid-19 pandemic going on its hitting me harder.
The people in my family are aware of its seriousness but don't understand why I am as anxious as I am.
It's almost like all my fears have arrived at my door and potentially being walked in with the people I love the most.

No one understands how im feeling and its so frustrating having people tell me I'm over thinking. Or tell me to breathe it out. Or to just not think of it because it's really not that simple!!!

Posted by Bella

I can barely hold a job

I've had this fear since I was 8 years old. I was able to subdue it for 4 years with going to church. I remember calling the leader of my church group one night, having a panic attack about dying and what happens. I was so afraid, so upset. She was able to help me through that time. Fast forward 4 years, at the age of 12 I began questioning everything. "What if God isn't real?" "Is religion just something people believe in to ease their fear of dying?" and ever since then, the panic attacks came back. I was able to ignore it for the longest time. I was able to live day to day with an occasional panic attack. I'm now 28 years old, in therapy trying to get better so I can go to work and provide for my kids. Whom I hope NEVER have to fear this. I keep it to myself and my boyfriend. I can hardly ever sleep. I fear not existing like many here. Of course we won't know what's to come afterwards, no one does. We'll be none the wiser. It's the fact that I won't BE HERE anymore, with the people I love and doing the things that I once enjoyed. I'm so tired all of the time, feel like I'm wasting my time when I'm away from home. But logically I know that I need to work to provide. I feel like we just live to work for money and then to die. I've always subdued myself with, "One day, they'll find a way to be immortal." Or "We were placed here to find something to gain immortality."

I hate this. I just want to be normal.

Posted by Amber

Stuck in a rut:/

The less I believe in an afterlife, the more scared I become of death.

I wish I could be (even somewhat) religious again, but I can’t force myself to believe in something that I don’t (even if I am terrified)... and trust me, I’ve tried.

(I’m agnostic, btw... not atheist.)

When I’m at my worst, I start to seriously regret even being born, as these thoughts are absolutely paralyzing.

I’m even saddened and ashamed of myself for bringing my children into this world, as I’m afraid that they may have the same feelings once they’re my age.

To me, life now seems so serene; but not like a dream... more like a nightmare.

Out of everything I’ve ever feared, death is by far the worst, as there’s absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.

(I guess the one good thing is, I’m not nearly as suicidal as I used to be.)

My brain just can’t process how minor we are (or may be) on this planet.
I once thought that this world was created just for us (humans). I’m now aware of how arrogant & preposterous that may all sound.

I keep trying to ignore everything, but those horrible thoughts keep creeping into my mind... especially at night.

My brain continuously tells me that mankind is nothing but a speck in this universe, and whenever that happens, I’m up all night.

It’s even harder when you feel like everything you’ve been taught/told your whole life is a lie. Is it true, that once we die (after living such a relatively short life), we’re just... dead? Thinking that no part of my soul or personality will continue to exist (and will merely become a very distant or faint memory in someone’s brain) scares me more than I can put into words.

After the realization of nothingness sets in, the feelings of dread, panic and disappointment settle... and that’s never a pretty picture.

I’ve dealt with anxiety, depression, BPD and PTSD since I was young, but I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before. It is by far the worst feeling I’ve ever had. I can’t escape it and am also having a hard time accepting it.
This type of fear has been mercilessly haunting me for weeks now, and I just can’t wait for it to be over with.

This terrible phobia has also debilitated me at times.
I can’t breath, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t go to the bathroom, I shake, I throw up, I black-out, I tense up, I feel hot and start to profusely sweat, my heart beats a million miles an hour (very loudly), my stomach burns and twists in knots, and I’m in constant fear/panic mode, unable to enjoy my life because of it.

And as soon as I try to get up and do something to distract myself... BOOM! Another panic attack (that feels like a punch to the gut) hits me.

Oh, why was I cursed with this brain of mine? :(

Posted by CC

my life has turned out meaningless at all

I literally can't eat, because of nausea, I can't enjoy anything I like because of the thought that I'm not gonna enjoy that anymore someday, and this is killing me. This phobia is so far the worse of all. It's literally dying while existing. I do not wanna lose anything, I panic just by thinking that when I die, the world will still be going on and I'll never know about anything of it anymore. The idea of being trapped into nothingness for eternity doesn't really scare me at all, but I think I am so attached to this life that I do not wanna lose it at any costs. I am basically overwhelmed, I feel doomed, I am seeking for help but nothing helps me at all, I'd even take drugs to forget these thoughts because they are destroying my life. And to think that this started because I thought "what if (someone i know about) died". I literally feel ashamed, and destroyed.

Posted by ----

I'm hoping this is still an open topic, as I too suffer for this and people who don't understand just dont get it. How paralyzing the fear is, and how no matter what you do you cant enjoy simple things in life without the fear of death just popping up. For me theres no certain time it's all the time, I have tried therapy, and meditation and nothing helps me. I feel the same ways I have seen alot of you say. Of not knowing whats next. I too have BPDO, and PTSD, always struggled with depression. I also think that hopefully there will be a way to be immortal and that maybe by the time I get to a certain age there will be something then I get to thinking about the people around me dying and i wasn't raised with alot of religion in the home so i fear that my lack of faith will send me to tell and it just consumes me. I want to be normal to, sometimes i tell myself we just live to die and how thin the line is between life and death. I was in a very physically abusive relationship for 6 years and i used to face death daily, but i think that i have always been afraid to die. I also obsess about the virus and whats in our future. my fear stops me from eating and sleeping. I also smoke alot weed as it seems to be the only that helps me, unless i knock myself out with anxiety meds but i cant do tht bc i am a single mom.

Posted by Maegan

i also saw in here that people have felt bad for bringing their children into the world fearing they will fear the same thing, I too have went through that, i feel like i wasted so much of my life on things that didnt matter and i know that theres nothing anyone can tell me that will help ease my fear i feel like i will always be scared and i hate that it consumes me.

Posted by Maegan

Hi my name is Holly. I've had a sick obsession with death since I was probably 11 years old and I witnessed little sister's best friend die after getting hit by a car. It was at that moment that my life changed and I started battling depression and anxiety and constant nightmares. Now im 28 years old I still think of death on a daily basis I think of my own death and losing loved ones close to me and it brings me into a deep depression. I even imagine how my own death will play out almost daily, dabbling into different scenarios. I know this is not normal and the cause of my anxiety and depression but I can't get the thoughts and images out of my head. I don't tell anybody about this because I know everyone is afraid of death and that is the most scary and trying thing about life- having to face your own mortality. The last thing I want is to bring anybody to the level I'm on because it's no way to live and I'm so trying to leave this state of mine for good... suggestions?? No I don't want to be on pills the turn me into a zombie and change me completely, doctors have been trying to prescribe me medication to change the chemistry in my brain since I was a little girl and I truly just don't believe in Pharmaceuticals...

Posted by Holly

Now more than ever I’m terrified of death, and I just can’t seem to get out of my head that sooner or later I’m going to catch the virus. I just can’t seem to shake any of my fear that something is going to happen and I’m still fearful that I’m going to watch my family members die.

Posted by Rhi

I don't know how old this thread is. I'm absolutely terrified of death I can't even put it into words. I didn't think it very much when I was younger, it would pop into my mind every once in awhile. But ever since I lost my dad, aunt, uncle, grandparents and my dog in a 16 year period I've started experiencing extreme anxiety and anxiety attacks. It started getting especially bad after losing my dad in 2014. The thought of dying is always at the back of my mind. It affects my daily life recently. I don't sleep well, barely eat or do anything except lie in bed. The thing that terrifies me the most is the unknown, the fear of eternal oblivion, ceasing to exist forever. I can't even wrap my head around it. It's paralysing.

Posted by Melissa

Thank you

I have struggled with this all my life, and like many here, in my age have been revisiting childhood fears. It is so comforting to know I am not alone and I am so thankful for finding this page. I wish everyone here peace.

Posted by Amanda

I first started suffering when I was 8, and managed to repress it for a long time until now (23). I very rarely eat, can’t eat any meat, I rarely sleep without nightmares. I spend every morning crying hysterically and throwing up. No therapists have been able to help so far and I’m just so spent. I desperately need help as everything is getting worse. Doctors put me on sertraline but after the dosage wears off the panic attacks come back with double force. I just can’t believe there’s so many people out there like us and yet there’s no research or treatment to help us. This phobia is swallowing my entire life and destroying the lives of my family members

Posted by Benjamin

I seem to have platued at the height of my fear of death and dying. Currently trying to come to terms with the inevitability of it all and trying to keep hope that there is something else after this life. Many people tell me they think it will be like falling asleep. Honestly I really hope that's the case. But even so, the fear that I'll cease to be is haunting. I've ignored it for a long time but it seems I can't ignore it anymore.

Posted by Cait

My fear makes me suicidal I’m so scared the only thing I can do is control my death- it’s coming so I’d rather go now then be plagued by worry for the rest of my life. Because I know it’s the one thing I have no control over I’d at least like to control how it happens. Swallow the frog as it were. Get it over and done with because living in fear is no life anyway so jumping into the unknown rather than being pushed seems far less scary

Posted by Suzie