We had all the guests write notes to Mom on pretty gift tags and tied them to big pink Gerbera daisies.  Each guest was invited to spend a few minutes visiting with Mom and to place their flower in a vase at the foot of Mom's bed.

Friar Dan from the Friary that Mom attended prayed with Mom and gave her a blessing and absolution.

Mom's entire posture changed at the end of the reception - she looked far more serene.  While only minimally conscious throughout the day, she slipped into a final state of unconsciousness and died 16 hours later.

Feedback from guests and family about our little reception was very positive. Comments were delivered with a hint of surprise that such an 'unusual' idea, in retrospect, seemed to make so much sense.

Mom died the morning after the reception, just before my father, husband and I arrived at the hospice.  

I cried when I saw her now lifeless shell.  I could see and sense that she was gone - physically and spiritually. 

We hugged Mom's body and told each her how much we loved her.  I read all the loving notes tied to the daisies and removed them from the flowers so they could be placed in her pre-cremation casket.  

We sent along a few items to be cremated with Mom's body - her favourite earrings from my Dad, a pillow her little sister (deceased now 10 years) made from a cherished family linen and hand-embroidered with 'A' for Assie (Mom's maiden name), her watch - she was always on time, a funny bright red feathered dove she named Sammy that I gave to her during her hospitalization at Christmas, and a tiny felt mouse I handmade Mom for Christmas that she named Missy - despite not being an animal lover, Mom seemed to enjoy cute stuffed animals and animal figurines.

Dad decided to attend the cremation alone.  He described the occasion as sad, but was happy to have some time alone with his wife and partner of 56 years.  He felt this final good-bye was fitting for a proud, dignified woman who disliked a fuss being made over anything, especially her!

Dad has two beautiful oriental mother-of-pearl inlaid boxes for Mom's cremation remains.  A small intimate family gathering will be held in Victoria to scatter the ashes of one box around a beautiful Japanese Blossom tree newly planted in my brother's backyard not far from Mom and Dad's home of 20 years.  

For family in Ontario, Dad will bring the second box of ashes to my brother's cottage property where another group of family will gather to celebrate our love for Mom by scattering the remaining ashes (less a few milligrams that I will keep) in an area chose by Mom.

The small amount of remaining ash will be contained in a sterling silver locket that I will wear not just as a reminder of my amazing mother, but also to invite her spirit to follow me as I continue my adventures in this life.

My beautiful Mother is dead, but she leaves me with a lifetime of not just memories, but lessons also. 

I would encourage all families to consider creating the good-bye that best suits and honours their loved ones versus following old traditions because "that is the way it has always been done..."  

First and foremost, it you can, discuss end of life plans with your loved one and include her in the planning.  Tradition is important to some people and offers a certain comfort in its predictability, but it may not always represent the individual desires and personality of the person who is dying.  

Don't be afraid to come up with your own ideas and plan. As long as you honour your loved one and give them a departure that is dignified and respectful, yet embraces their wishes, there are no absolute rules about end of life celebrations.

Having said that, it is important to bear in mind your loved one's religious beliefs and cultural customs.

For me, it was so meaningful to say good-bye to Mom her way.  I will always love listening to 'O Holy Night' played in March while I eat nanimo bars!  It has a whole new meaning for me!  Thanks Mom!